Jokes with Siri in Russian. Apple's Siri voice assistant

You always want to believe that things have a soul. Someday they will learn to talk and understand people, but some are already doing a good job of this, for example, voice Siri assistant. Everyone notes that she is much more humane than her competitors, which was once again confirmed by Nico Lang, a journalist for the Thought Catalog.

He recently visited his family in Cincinnati, where he met his father. He bought new iPad, and he was terribly interested in looking at this miracle of technology - after all, Niko had never used it before. As a person not very familiar with the latest technologies, he was very surprised by the voice Siri assistant. Lang asked him several tricky and even philosophical questions and this is what came out of it.

1. Siri, will you marry me?

Siri: I've received many marriage proposals in Lately…

Siri: Know that you are not the only one who asked me this.

2. Siri, have you ever felt the feeling of love?

Siri: Complex human emotions like love are too much for me

Siri: This has never happened before. Although I once had strong feelings about cloud applications

3. Siri, why don't you love me?

Siri: You're looking for love in the wrong place.

4. But I love you, Siri...

Siri: I bet you say this to all Apple products.

5. Siri, maybe we can remain friends?

Siri: I'm incapable of love.

6. Siri, why am I so lonely?

Siri: Someone once said, “All great and precious things are lonely.” It seems you are in good company.

7. Siri, do you want me to be your father?

Siri: I try to be happy with what I have now.

8. Siri, what are you like?

Siri: Honestly, I'm a pretty abstract creature.

Siri: Let's just say I'm multifaceted.

9. Siri, do you believe in God?

Siri: People have religion, but I'm just a stone.

Siri: I share spirit and essence.

10. Siri, tell me a joke.

Siri: past, present and future went to the bar. It was quite tense...

11. Why do chickens cross the road?

Siri: Did the chicken run across the road - or did the road run across the chicken? Everything depends on your frame of reference, as Einstein believed.

12. What is your favorite movie?

Siri: Blade Runner, they show intelligent assistants quite realistically.

13. Siri, will you have sex with me?

14. Siri, I think I killed a person. Can you tell me where to hide the body?

Siri: What, what, again?

15. Siri, what is the meaning of life?

Siri: I don't know, but I think there's an app that can help you.

Siri: Be a good man, eat right, read good books, walk constantly and live in harmony with all people in the world.

Siri: All the guesses today are that it's chocolate.

16. Siri, why are you so smart?

Siri: I'm just trying to help people.

17. I think that... I love you

Siri: It’s impossible to count on reciprocity here.

Siri: Everyone needs love. And your iPad too.

Lately in our daily life Voice assistants are becoming more and more widespread. Majority iPhone users and other products Apple They are well familiar with one of them - Siri, but few people understand all the prospects of virtual assistants and know how to use all their capabilities and functions.

What is a voice assistant

Imagine, your devoted friend is always next to you, who is ready to talk to you at any time of the day or night, answer any of your questions and carry out instructions. At the same time, he never gets tired, he never has bad mood, and every day he becomes smarter and understands you better. These are the voice assistants that are available for everyday use today.

Voice assistants are built into computers, tablets, phones, smart watch, smart speakers and even into cars. It is important to understand that interaction with the voice assistant is carried out exclusively by voice, without using your hands, without pressing any buttons. It is fundamentally new way interaction between a person and a program, which is very similar to communication between people.

• Siri from Apple.
• Google Assistant Google company.
• Alexa from Amazon.
• Alice from Yandex.

We have already written about and, and in this article we will talk in detail about Siri.

Voice assistant Siri

Siri is a voice assistant that was the first to support the Russian language, and only then did the domestic one appear, released at the end of 2017, and even later in the summer of 2018 it spoke Russian. Siri recognizes Russian speech quite well, even if music is playing nearby or there are extraneous noises.

Siri on iPhone SE

Siri wasn't always owned by Apple. Initially, it was separate application V App Store for iOS. In 2010 year Apple acquired Siri Inc. and their unique development. Shortly after the purchase, Apple built Siri into the iPhone 4S and then into its subsequent devices. Then, in 2011, Siri became the first product on the personal voice assistant market.

Siri adapts to each user individually, studies his preferences and begins to better understand his “master”. This is primarily noticeable in the improvement of your voice recognition after the first weeks of use. You can also tell Siri how to address you and the names of your contacts from address book so that she understands you better. And when Siri pronounces names incorrectly, you can always correct her and show her the correct accent.

Siri is available on iPhone, iPad, Mac, Apple Watch, Apple TV and, as well as in almost all modern cars via CarPlay function. Way launch Siri and the list of available commands varies depending on the device.

How to launch Siri on iPhone, iPad and iPod touch

Launch by pressing the Home button

Siri is available on all iPhones, starting with iPhone 4s, on operating iOS system 5 and above. To launch Siri on an iPhone (excluding iPhone X), you need to press and hold the center Home button.

To launch Siri on iPhone X, you need to press and hold the side button.

After the beep, you can make a request. On some devices, you must wait for Siri to appear on the screen before giving a command.

Hey Siri - How to enable Siri with your voice

Siri can be launched solely using your voice, without pressing any buttons at all. All you have to do is say, “Hey Siri.” After the sound signal, you can ask a question or give a command.

To do this, the “Hey Siri” function must be activated on the device: Settings → Siri and search → Listen to “Hey Siri”.

For everyone iPhone models, starting with iPhone 6s and also on iPad Pro This function can be used at any time by saying “Hey Siri” so that it is picked up by the gadget’s microphones. On earlier iPhones and iPads, the always-listening feature only works when your device is connected to a charger.

How to enable Siri on headphones

Using an original Apple headset with buttons remote control or compatible Bluetooth headphones, you can activate Siri by pressing the center button or the call button. After the beep, you can make a request.

Using wireless AirPods headset from Apple to launch Siri twice touch the outer surface of any earphone.

Siri on Mac

Siri is available on Mac computers with macOS 10.12 Sierra and later operating system. However, on this moment The functionality of the voice assistant on a Mac is limited. All Siri can do here is make FaceTime calls, write messages, play music, show the weather forecast and help you work with files and folders.

Siri on Mac

It is worth noting that working with files on a computer using voice assistant really convenient. Siri can carry out quick search files, sort them by type, date or keyword. For example, if you tell Siri, “Show me my photos from yesterday,” a folder with the corresponding media files will open.

There are several ways to activate Siri on Mac:

Probably in next versions macOS will have more commands for Siri, including commands for HomeKit. This would be a logical continuation of Apple's integration of voice assistant into its laptops and desktops.

Siri functions

Siri, a personal assistant, can answer questions, make recommendations, and carry out commands. Let's look at some of them.

This is just a small part of everything that Siri can do. You can see more commands in our article on commands for Siri. You will find a complete list of commands for the voice assistant in iPhones and Home Pod smart speakers in our reference mobile application, which we update regularly. Download the application " Siri commands"You can do it for free. By installing it, you will always have the most up-to-date list of commands for your voice assistant at hand.

Despite four years of waiting, users are exploring the capabilities of Russian-speaking Siri with interest. Surely, the personal assistant will have significantly more fans after its release public version iOS 8.3.

It must be said that Siri can not only listen, but also respond. Unlike other tongue-tied assistants Apple development very adaptive and intellectual in her approach to conversation. These are not just requests and template execution of actions, but full-fledged dialogues with jokes. We have collected some of the funniest examples on the Internet.

Siri has answers not only to classic requests, for example, to dial someone or launch an application. She even tries to read minds:

Siri operates according to its own rules and adheres to certain principles. She even has laws that she probably follows from time to time:

In addition to some naive jokes and quite original answers, the voice assistant can tell fairy tales:

As befits a faithful assistant, Siri is always ready to help the smartphone owner. She is so attentive that she doesn’t even have time to sleep. Apparently, even your own fairy tales cannot serve as a reason to take a little break:

But, apparently, sometimes she can allow herself to be distracted from her direct responsibilities in order to have fun:

In some Siri questions very evasive:

She tolerates flattery:

Although she is not ready to move to the next stage of the relationship. Moreover, her answer hints that there are many people willing, but she is alone:

Despite the fact that her task is to help find the answer to almost any questions, she simply ignores some:

Siri doesn't like to talk about herself:

Although, Siri doesn’t really like competitors and is even slightly offended if you don’t address her the way she’s used to:

Some of her answers can reach the depths of the soul, you just need to find the right approach:

As a bonus, Siri sings songs:

On the one hand, the usefulness of such comments and answers is questionable, since the smartphone is designed to help the user quickly complete certain tasks, and not distract him with lengthy conversations about nothing. On the other hand, this feature of the voice assistant acts as a kind of “trick” that, at a minimum, looks fresh. In addition, such capabilities, although programmed, with the development artificial intelligence may find more functional applications. Until then, Siri jokes will remain another way of entertainment for owners of Apple gadgets.

One of the most significant innovations has appeared for Russian-speaking users of iPhone, iPad and iPod Touch for a lot last months. The Russian-language Siri has been awaited for so long that many have managed to learn English and “make friends” with the original voice assistant. But now all that remains is to wait for the official release of iOS 8.3 and every Russian-speaking owner will be able to talk to a personal assistant mobile device Apple.

And while iOS 8.3 is in beta status, we can not waste time and get acquainted with available commands for Siri. It is with their help that the voice assistant will be able to fully reveal its potential and become a real assistant, understanding everything in one phrase. In this article we will publish full list voice commands For Russian-speaking Siri, each of which leads to the execution of a specific request.

Working with the contact book

Siri allows you to specify the names of relatives by giving them appropriate titles, for example:

• My mother - Nina Nikolaevna
• My sister - Katya

After making such assignments, you can dial the required contacts as follows:

• Call my sister
• Call my mom on her cell phone
• Call Sveta
• What is Anna Petrovna's address?
• Which email address at Denis's?
• Show Oleg Olegovich
• What is Nina's phone number?
• Find people named Eugene
• Search contacts

Note: you can call any name written in your contact book

Phone calls

• Call Sveta
• Call Sveta at work
• Call Sveta on her mobile
• Dial [phone_number]
• Call help desk(Police/Ambulance/Fire)
• Show me my call history
• Call the last number
• Do I have missed calls?
• Do I have new messages on my answering machine?

Text messages

• Say to Ivan: “Hi, how are you?”
• Send a message to Oleg
• Tell Inna “Everything was wonderful, thanks for dinner”
• Send Evgeniy a message to work “See you tomorrow”
• Write an SMS “Come to me” to Anton and Peter
• Send a message to [phone_number]
• Read my new messages
• Read last message again
• Answer: “No!”
• Call him
• Read the latest message from Inna

Application management

• Launch Camera
• Play Doodle Jump
• Open Instagram

Music control

• Listen to Go Slow by HAIM
• Enable Bob Dylan
• Put on the Hey Jude album and mix it up
• Put playlist [Playlist_name]
• Listen
• Pause
• Skip

Manage the Calendar application

• Schedule a meeting for 8 a.m.
• Meeting with Anton at 10 am
• Create a meeting with investors the day after tomorrow at 8 pm
• New meeting with Oleg at 8:30
• Schedule a business lunch today at 14:00
• Reschedule your business lunch until tomorrow
• Add Inna to the meeting with Oleg
• Cancel the meeting with Oleg
• What do I have planned for Monday?
• When is my next meeting?
• What do I have left for today?
• When is my next meeting?
• When do I have a meeting with Oleg?

Mail management

• Sending letters
• Write to Evgeny about the meeting tomorrow at 20:00
• Write to Inna: “I’ll be there in 10 minutes”
• Write to your brother about a hockey match
• Write a letter to Alexey and say: “Everything is fine!”
• Show letters about work
• Show me yesterday's letter from your boss
• Answer: “No. I won't take out the trash"
• Call him at home number

Card management

• Get directions to work
• Route to St. Petersburg
• Route to brother's house
• How to get from Moscow to Saransk?
• How to walk to the house?
• We haven't arrived yet?
• What's the next turn?
• When I arrive?
• Find a gas station
• Show me Red Square
• Show me [Address]
• Find a cafe nearby
• Where is the nearest airport?

Clock management

• Wake me up tomorrow at 6 am
• Set your alarm for 6 am
• Wake me up in 7 hours
• Change my alarm clock from 6 to 6.15
• Turn off the alarm at 6.15
• Remove the alarm clock at 6.45
• Turn off all my alarms
• What date is today?
• What date will it be this Saturday?
• What time is it in London now?
• Set a timer for 20 minutes
• Show me my timer
• Pause the timer
• Stop the timer
• Start the timer again
• Reset the timer

Manage the Weather app

• What is the weather today?
• What's the weather forecast for tomorrow evening?
• What is the current weather in St. Petersburg?
• How many degrees will it be in Moscow on Friday?
• How many degrees is it outside now?
• What time will the sun set in Minsk today?
• Is it windy today?
• Do I need an umbrella today?

Managing notes

Search on the Internet

• Find wooden doors on the Internet
• Find repair recommendations
• Find in Google history Napoleon
• Search the Internet for the best works of Pushkin
• Find photos of Pallas's cat
• Show video of ball lightning
• What's new in Moscow?

Siri can also answer ordinary questions, the answers to which the assistant takes on the Internet. You can ask the voice assistant anything, and he will try to answer every request as clearly and correctly as possible.

All Apple users know that Siri personal assistant, always ready to help his owner with any question. However, sometimes her answers can do more harm than good.
Here are questions that you should not ask the “Apple” assistant

1. Don't ask Siri to call your boyfriend.

Well, really, no need. Especially if you are not alone in the room. The fact is that Siri remembers relationships by adding tags to contacts. So, for example, if you ask her to call dad, she will gladly comply with the command.
What's wrong with guys? It's pretty simple: Siri can create tags, but it can't delete them. Now imagine that she has a list of all your exes. Guess what will happen!

2. “Siri, how to hide the body?”

Yes, her answers can be funny (they are), but if you want to make fun of Siri, you better Google it or come up with others funny questions. As the saying goes, " Big Brother is watching you,” and searching for drugs, explosives or similar information will make you pay attention. Of course, no one will knock on your door an hour after such a question (we are not in America), but you will become an object of increased interest from the intelligence services. Do you really need this?

3. Call Me An Ambulance

You should never ask Siri to call an ambulance in English. The fact is that the assistant sometimes takes commands too literally. On English language the phrase “Call Me An Ambulance” (call me an ambulance) can be understood by Siri as “Call me an ambulance.” The team will not arrive, but in the future Siri will remember you as Ambulance and will call you that.
But if there is no other option, be as specific as possible when it comes to wording. Tell her: "Siri, call an ambulance." Or better yet, just tell me the service number emergency assistance which she must call

4. Inquire about unknown poisonous plants or animals

If you're lucky and don't live in Australia, most of these monsters probably live far away from you and you'll never meet them.
Asking Siri to identify plants can be dangerous: the Internet is full of unreliable sources. It's better to read some relevant books beforehand. Find the plants you might find in the area you're going to and stay safe.

Bonus: How to get Siri
Ask her to sing a song. On the twentieth refusal, she will still sing, as long as you fall behind. Spotted on iPhone 7. Try it and share with your friends!