From school we are taught, and correctly, to pay attention to language rules. In other words, focus on the objective rules of language, as well as identifying and. This is undoubtedly useful knowledge, but it cannot make communication with other people easier and more comfortable. Even despite the fact that there are no exact sets of laws, following which one can definitely increase its effectiveness. But there are certain rules, applying which, you can learn to interact with people with greater benefit for both parties taking part in communication. They most likely will not be a discovery for you, but they will remind you of those simple things, which are very easy to forget nowadays.

It is an important component of personal and professional success, no matter what level of communication we are talking about - interpersonal, intergroup, intragroup, external levels. We use certain communication skills every day, and this is not only the ability to speak, but also to sense others. And the following simple rules can help in their development.

Confidential communication

Effective communication is not manipulating the interlocutor to achieve your goals, but mutually beneficial communication, as a result of which both parties gain something. Without trust, communication will never be effective. When striving for it, a kind of commandment for you should be to create such an atmosphere of relationships in which a person will trust you. No ambiguity, reticence, deception or lies - everything should be simple and honest.

Don't avoid personal topics

There is a theory in business that figuratively states that you need to remain “at arm’s length” with employees. But today it is increasingly being questioned. There must be distance, of course, but is there always? People appreciate it when people talk to them about not only general topics, such as work, but also when they are sincerely interested in other things. There's nothing wrong with asking about your employee's children's progress and interests, or his hobbies. This will help shape trust, which was written about above. These, of course, should not be raised at general meetings, but during personal meetings they can come in handy.

Clarity and Specificity

Effective communication is impossible without mutual understanding. Mutual understanding is impossible without clarity and specificity. Don’t be afraid to say directly what you expect from communication. Do not veil your plans by trying to get some kind of action from a person using cunning, roundabout ways. After all, the best way to achieve this is to say it directly. If we talk about working relationships, this is the most important rule. When communicating with colleagues, you should always strive to build communication that is understandable not only for you, but, first of all, for them. Always put, speak directly about what you expect from the work, describing final result It's clear. Demand the same from others. This is the basis of mutual understanding, but in addition, without it, effective and productive work generally.

Focus on the other person's expectations

Whatever your goal, remember that communication is a two-way process. By focusing only on what is important to you in communication and ignoring the expectations of the interlocutor, it will be very difficult to achieve effectiveness. Each of us pursues our own goals, but the ability to coordinate them with the desires of others and take into account their interests is an indicator of mastery in communication. No one will just work for what you want. But it is up to you to ensure that you and others work for what is in the common interest.

Be open

Always try to understand the position of your interlocutor, especially if it does not coincide with yours. Don't block your mind by withdrawing from information that goes against the way you think. You cannot avoid opposing opinions - you are free not to accept them, but in no case discard them. At a minimum, they are curious and interesting. They temper, develop and make you stronger. The ability to work with will serve any person well, as in professional activity, and in my personal life.

Learn to listen

Much has already been said about the fact that hearing is not the same thing. And just as much more will be said - exactly until, contrary to our own egoistic nature, we learn the skill of dialogue. In the meantime, our communication will be a one-way broadcast, more like a university lecture, it will be inappropriate to talk about any productive communication. By listening to a person, you can achieve much more than by telling your own story.

Show you care

Imagine this situation: you need a certificate and you are standing in line at government agency. You stand there for several hours. It’s your turn, you go into the desired office, where a not very friendly employee informs you that in order to receive required document You must first go to another office and pick up a form there. Everything starts all over again - you stand in line for several hours again. Now imagine a different situation. Entering the first office, you meet a friendly employee who, having found out that you and other people in line do not have the necessary forms, goes and brings them on his own. Introduced? Now the question is: which of the two employees will you have more sympathy for? Even putting aside the fact of the service, if the second employee simply came out and said that everyone interested in receiving a certificate should first take the form, this would already make further communication with him more effective. After all, sometimes not only the success of communication, but also the relationship as a whole depends on such seemingly insignificant little things, such as banal care and participation.

Talk only about what you understand

Don't try to impress people by talking about topics you don't understand. No matter how eloquent you are, nowadays few people pay attention to form, focusing on content. Such is the cynicism of the era. And it’s better to watch and listen than to “pour water” in the hope of quitting desired contact or to get some action from the interlocutor. IN business communication Wasting the time of others is unacceptable. This will cause both the effectiveness of communication and your reputation to suffer. Therefore, take care in advance to collect at least minimal information about the topic that the upcoming conversation will be devoted to.

Change

There are no universal rules in communicating with people; once you learn them, you will become great for the rest of your life. Each person is unique and what “works” for one may not necessarily work for another. So be prepared for things to go wrong. Preparations based on books and articles (like this one) are a good help, but real experience is gained on the battlefield - in daily communication. And you must not only not become ossified, but also be ready to improvise, find your own ways and methods.

Many managers, secretaries, executives and entrepreneurs believe that communication is the ability to argue, give orders and make excuses. However, none of this has anything to do with effective communication. How to develop skills effective communication, read this article.

From the article you will learn:

Effective communication skills

Let's start by defining what is and is not effective communication.

Ineffective communication- this is an argument and bickering with an interlocutor, the sole purpose of which is to defend one’s own point of view. Communication is understood as a struggle in which there must be a winner and a loser. The origins of this understanding are rooted in a black-and-white worldview consisting of oppositions: friend-foe, right-wrong, victory-defeat, friend-enemy, good-bad, etc.

In such a worldview there are no halftones or shades. There is only one truth, and there cannot be another. The task of communication is thus reduced to expressing and defending own opinion. If the interlocutor fell silent and temporarily resigned himself to your pressure, this is considered a victory. As a result, disagreements, other points of view, other views do not enrich or expand your horizons, but become a source DC voltage and conflict.

Effective communication is built on the desire to understand someone else’s point of view, to take into account and accept other opinions, feelings and views. The basis of such communication is the ability to listen to the other, and the result is not the victory of one and the defeat of the other, but the gain of both.

This gain lies in mutual enrichment, collaboration and joint results. The success of such communication is expressed not in silencing the other side, but in getting the other side to say: “I’m glad you understood me.”

Rule No. 5.

Keep it simple

An obvious fact, but many people forget about it: information is better perceived when presented in simple and intelligible means. Very often little educated people They try to hide their lack of education by saturating their speech with long, clever, most often borrowed words. This immediately gives them away. Please note that well-educated people, when they understand what they are talking about, express their thoughts very simply and clearly. In fact, such simplicity is worth a lot of effort. Express a complex idea briefly and clearly with help simple words very hard. It is much easier to express a simple and banal thought in complex and abstruse language. When you speak clearly and clearly, it shows the other person that you think the same way.

Rule No. 6.

Remember the context and situation

Any communication situation must have its own means of linguistic expression.
Let's compare the words: quickly, swiftly, at full speed, at full speed, headlong, bullet, arrow, trot, at full speed, headlong, instantly.
The meaning conveyed by these words is approximately the same. But they cannot be used in all situations. When choosing words, always remember what is more important to you - to convey information to the interlocutor or to make an impression.

Irina Kulga
The concept of effective communication, its components. Professional communication and manipulation

1 The concept of effective communication, its components

A modern person strives to be successful everywhere - both at work and in his personal life. Career, family, friends - all these are components of life, and effective communication allows you to improve all areas and come to maximum agreement. Everyone should strive to improve their social skills. Even if difficulties arise initially, over time this knowledge will bring well-deserved results - reliable interpersonal connections.

Communication is a complex, multifaceted and multi-element phenomenon. It is the structure that helps to understand the simple mechanism of communication, sort all knowledge in the field of communication and transfer it to any personal and business communication situations.

In any communication situation there are always at least two subjects - the sender and the recipient. The first sends a certain message, the second, accordingly, receives it (there may be several recipients, if we take a presentation as an example, when one speaker addresses an entire audience). A message is understood as the entire set of information that is transmitted from the sender to the recipient. These are not only words or sounds, but also visuals, emotional background, intonation, gestures, pantomime, etc. Any message is transmitted using one or another communication channel. A communication channel is a unique means of transmitting information. Words (and to be completely precise, the meaning of words and sentences) are transmitted using the verbal channel; sounds, intonation, tone and timbre - using vocal; appearance, gestures, pantomime and microfacial expressions - with the help of non-verbal, etc. Thus, with the help of communication channels, the sender conveys a message to the recipient.

As a result, the recipient has a certain impact - an effect. This could be thinking about information, agreement, disagreement, aggression, misunderstanding. One way or another, all this is expressed in feedback - in a response or message. In this case, the roles of the subjects change. Recipient giving feedback, becomes the sender, and the sender becomes the recipient. In general, the division into sender and recipient is quite conditional, since any of the parties is alternately both.

Effective communication is undoubtedly necessary for successful implementation goals of the organization. Distorted, misinterpreted messages often cause defeats for large companies, armies and nations. However, many managers, entrepreneurs and business people still think that communication involves the ability to give orders, argue and make excuses. Whereas, first of all, it is active listening.

Effective or ineffective

Ineffective communication is arguing with others, aimed at protecting your goals and plans. It implies the presence of winners and losers. This style of “communication” is rooted in a philosophy that divides the world into two: “right and wrong,” “victory and defeat,” or “good and bad,” without taking into account intermediate states. There is only one correct opinion, so we can neglect the views and experiences of people who can enrich our knowledge of the world and form a holistic picture. Instead, we constantly defend our narrow views. A pause in the conflict is considered a success when the defender temporarily retreats. Disagreements eventually result in resistance, loss of team effectiveness, and even sabotage until a balance of power and respect prevails.

Effective communication, in turn, aims to understand the views, feelings and opinions of others. When two sides listen to each other, both win. Mutual understanding and respect become the basis of cooperation, interdependence and loyalty. Success will be achieved if each side says: “Yes, that’s exactly what I meant. Do you understand me". Effective communication minimizes the loss of meaning of the message.

Effective communication skills allow opposites to coexist—the ultimate ability to understand another point of view and find compromise. Why argue about who is right and who is wrong? The goal of effective communication is to establish and maintain rapport, support and working relationships that are mutually beneficial and therefore long-lasting.

By demonstrating a willingness to listen and understand the other person's position and experiences (without denying your own point of view), you create an atmosphere of safety and acceptance that increases the likelihood of signing a profitable contract or deal.

Basics of Effective Communication

Communication as a banal exchange of information is already present in the simplest animals. Man, in the process of evolution, has brought communication to perfection. Spoken and signed speech developed and gradually expanded to written, symbolic and figurative. However, this process has made understanding difficult and effective communication becomes a separate object studying.

The communication process includes five elements:

A communicator is someone who conveys information.

The method of transmitting information (how it is carried out).

The audience, or recipient, is who the message is intended for.

The final stage of communication, which allows us to understand whether effective communication has taken place. It is only possible if the previous four are sufficiently satisfactory.

Principles of Effective Communication

Without positive communication, it is impossible to achieve mutual understanding on any issue. In order to make sure that other people correctly perceive outgoing information, it is necessary to comply with a number of requirements.

First of all, you need to pay attention to the principles of effective communication:

Communication should be two-way. When all participants are interested in the positive outcome of the conversation, and it is equal for them, the desired effect occurs.

The recipient must make every effort to correctly perceive the message.

The message must be clear, structured and concise.

The recipient must trust the speaker, respect his opinion and not question his competence.

Effective communication is always emotional, to the extent that is acceptable in a given situation.

Patience and forbearance towards other people's shortcomings. Accepting people as they are, without trying to adjust or fix anything.

Effective communication meets the following requirements:

Credibility,

Realities

Objectivity,

Timeliness,

Addressing,

Feedback,

Dosage from the point of view of such a criterion as “important for achieving the organization’s goals”,

Availability (transparency).

Communication is carried out by conveying ideas, facts, opinions, sensations or perceptions, feelings and attitudes from one person to another, verbally or in some other form, with the aim of obtaining the desired reaction in return.

When considering the communication process, it is necessary to take into account that in the conditions of human communication, it is important not only how information is transmitted, but also how it is formed, clarified, and developed. Communication and information are different but related things. Communication includes both what is communicated and how that “what” is communicated.

In order for communication to take place, there must be at least two people. Therefore, each of the participants must have all or some abilities: see, hear, touch, smell and taste. Effective communication requires certain skills and abilities from each party.

Communication should be considered not only as sending and receiving information; mutual informing of two individuals, each of whom is an active subject, presupposes the establishment of joint activities. Therefore, in the communication process there is not only the movement of information, but also an active exchange of it.

In a specifically human exchange of information, the significance of information plays a special role for each participant in communication, since people do not just exchange words, but strive to develop general meaning. And this is possible provided that the information is not only accepted, but also understandable and meaningful.

2 Professional communication and manipulation

The term “professional communication” is defined as “a professionally determined process of exchange of information between representatives of the same profession in cognitive, labor and creative activities, aimed at professional development, during which professional communities are created, characterized by certain norms of thinking, behavior and interaction between members of the community.”

Professional communication is understood as communication between people engaged in the same field of activity, associated with the performance of their professional duties or the satisfaction of their professional interests.

Professional communication includes open system knowledge in the field of communications and information technologies, professionally oriented information and communication skills, the actualization of which occurs in real professionally oriented situations.

The following components are identified in the structure of professional communication in the field of education:

Motivational-need;

Cognitive;

Active;

Reflective.

The motivational-need component manifests itself in the desire for professional communication and the emergence of communication needs. Motivation for active professional communication with colleagues and participation in professional communities includes external (requirements modern society to the professional activity of a teacher) and internal motives (the need for self-development and personal self-realization).

The cognitive component characterizes knowledge of the forms, types, means and methods of communication, its role in pedagogical activity; knowledge of communication codes, strategies, tactics, the ability to interpret information and use its various types, which allows you to effectively carry out professional communication and achieve your goal, that is, solve professional problems.

The activity component includes skills: search and orientation, constructive (the ability to choose the type and means of communication, verbal and non-verbal communication skills, organizational (the ability to organize communication, including through new communication technologies, the ability to vary communicative means, gnostic (the ability to analyze and predict, regulate speech behavior adequately to the situation).

The reflective component is the ability to comprehend, analyze and revise one’s experience of professional communication. The reflective component is the basis for the development of professional reflective qualities, such as self-esteem, self-knowledge, self-control.

Two main types of communication should be distinguished. In human society, communication can be carried out by both verbal and non-verbal means.

Verbal communication for humans is the main and universal way of communication. Any other mode of interaction can be expressed through language. However, as already mentioned, everything can be expressed through the means of language. And the communicative function, as already mentioned in previous chapters, is one of the most important functions of language. Verbal means include both oral and written varieties of language.

Naturally, in communication carried out by verbal means, an enormous amount of information is transmitted. In other words, most of all people communicate in their own natural language. No wonder - that’s what it’s designed for. This book is dedicated to verbal communications in the field of innovation management, as well as language as their main means.

Nonverbal communication is communication, the exchange of information without the help of words. These are gestures, facial expressions, various signaling and sign systems. All these methods of communication by analogy are sometimes also called languages ​​- primary and secondary, or natural and artificial.

In modern professional and pedagogical activities, professional communication takes on a new meaning not only because it is one of the main means of professional activity and determines its success, but also because it opens up new opportunities for the professional development of a teacher.

Manipulation can also be called one of the most common types of communication. It is necessary for the psychological impact on a person. Manipulation in communication is a method of management, the ability to control the behavior and feelings of an individual.

The process itself consists of a subject (manipulator) and an object (the recipient of its influence). Moreover, the latter is not informed about the psychological intervention being carried out on his personality. Therefore, such influence on people (or a group) often has a dismissive or condescending connotation. Psychological manipulations in communication can be found at different levels: in personal discussions, in the family, in the team. They can be used both for creative purposes and to demoralize a person. The goal that the manipulator seeks to achieve plays a big role in this. The techniques with which he intends to influence are also important.

What are they needed for? Manipulation in communication is one of the oldest ways of obtaining benefits in a given situation. This psychological impact is not bad or good. It depends only on the final goal and how to achieve it.

If a person feels that his consciousness is being controlled, he should figure out why this is needed and try to benefit from the new knowledge.

First, you need to decide on your goal. What does the manipulator want? Is this the only benefit for him? Perhaps its impact will also benefit the recipient. This is relevant in family relationships when parents are trying to teach a child to perform some action (for example, exercise). In this case, the goal is to take care of the recipient of the impact.

Secondly, you need to decide on the means. If during the influence the recipient suffers (experiences humiliation, fear, anger, he is forced to do something, such demoralization completely subjugates the person to the manipulator. But there is also influence through flattery - when counterparts convince him of his attractiveness or uniqueness. But in In this case, the addressee does not suffer, but almost voluntarily submits to the manipulator.

Thus, the characteristics of manipulation in communication have a neutral connotation. Much depends on the personality of the active subject. If the process of influence is revealed, it loses its meaning. Therefore, you should not always interrupt what is happening. Sometimes it is much more profitable to play along with the manipulator and benefit for yourself.

Techniques of manipulation in communication

The manipulator chooses appropriate techniques, depending on who his activity is directed at. This can be an impact on an individual or an entire audience. The media space has its own established ways of controlling human consciousness. Employers often use manipulation techniques to create their own image. In a family, there are separate forms of interaction between parents and children.

The main techniques and methods of manipulation in communication are based on feelings. They are capable of destroying a person’s personality and life. Therefore, you should learn the important points of mental interaction and try to stop them.

Communication is the process and result of information exchange. Effective communications - the exchange of information on the basis of which the manager accepts effective solutions and gets the opportunity to achieve high results.

There are several various types communications:

1) Internal and external communications.

2) Controlled and uncontrolled communications.

3) Formal and informal communications.

4) Vertical (top to bottom and bottom to top in the service hierarchy) and horizontal (between departments of the same level) communications.

5) Interpersonal and organizational communications.

6) Individual and group communications.

7) Incoming and outgoing communications.

The main reason for the low effectiveness of communications in organizations is the forgetting that communication is an exchange. In any exchange, both parties must play an active role: it is not enough just to convey information - the other party must perceive it.

The main goal of the communication process is to ensure understanding of the information being transmitted.

There are eight main categories of the communication process:

· Sender - a person or group of people who wants to communicate information.

· Message - the actual information, meaning and idea that the sender wants to convey.

· Channel - the way information is transmitted: orally, in writing, non-verbally, by telephone, via the Internet, etc.

· Code is a system of signs and symbols through which the meaning of a message is conveyed. The code can be spoken words, written text, gestures, facial expressions, conventional signals, etc.

· Context - the external environment, setting, situation, filled with a system of individually distinguishable meanings and associations.

· Recipient - a person or group of people to whom the sender wants to convey his message.

· Noise (interference) - everything that distorts the meaning of the message.

· Feedback is the reaction (response) of the recipient to the message he has received.

Thus, the communication process includes several stages:

1. Formation of a message by the sender - internal formulation of an idea, awareness of the need to convey a message.

1. Selecting a channel and expressing the message in a code system.

2. Transmission of an encrypted message by the sender.

3. Perception of the encoded message by the recipient.

4. Decoding the code and formulating the message idea.

5. Reaction to the received message.

It is important to note that due to imperfections in the code, differences in the interpretation of the context, and the effects of noise at each stage of the communication process, the meaning of the perceived message may differ (significantly) from the original meaning formulated by the sender.

There are interpersonal and organizational communications. If the problems of interpersonal communications lie in the individual characteristics of people and the context of message transmission, then the main focus of organizational communications becomes the creation effective system message transmission.

The main barriers to interpersonal communications are identified:

1. Barriers of perception - ambiguity in the interpretation of meanings depending on differences in individual contexts. Most often this manifests itself in the form of conflicts between areas of competence and barriers caused by people's attitudes.

2. Semantic barriers - ambiguity in the interpretation of the semantic nuances of words, paralinguistic (intonation, tone, speed) and non-verbal factors of speech (accompanying gestures, facial expressions, posture, gaze).

3. Feedback barriers - ineffective feedback that does not provide the sender with enough information about the correctness of the perception of his message.

4. Inability to listen - most people are focused on expressing their own inner world much more than on perceiving and analyzing external information.

Western management experts offer several rules for effective listening, which are equally useful in domestic practice:

1. Stop talking.

2. Help the speaker to relax.

3. Show the speaker that you are ready to listen.

4. Eliminate irritations.

5. Empathize with the speaker.

6. Eliminate irritations.

7. Be patient.

8. Control your temper.

9. Avoid arguments and criticism.

10. Ask questions.

11. And once again: stop talking!

There are many ways to improve the effectiveness of interpersonal communications. For example: clarify your ideas before communicating them, be sensitive to possible semantic problems, be aware of your facial expressions, gestures, posture, intonation, and express an openness and willingness to understand.

Seek feedback by, for example, using the following techniques: ask questions; ask your interlocutor to retell your thoughts; evaluate the language of postures, gestures and intonations of the interlocutor, which may indicate confusion and misunderstanding; control the first results of work; Always be prepared to answer questions.

Let's consider the main types of barriers in an organization's communication processes.

1. Distortion of messages is a phenomenon in which the structural units of an organization receive information that is not adequate to the real situation. Distortions in communication networks lead to a significant slowdown in the pace of work in the organization. Decision-making and implementation must begin simultaneously: understanding how a job should be done is as important as deciding what should be done.

2. Information overload is possible in cases where members of an organization are not able to effectively respond to all the information they need and filter out a certain part of it, which, in their opinion, is the least important. Especially often information overload observed among managers who are responsible for resolving many (even the smallest) issues related to managing the activities of the organization’s divisions.

3. Weaknesses in the structure of the organization have a significant negative impact on the functioning communication networks. The most common of these shortcomings should be recognized as an unsuccessful configuration - the existence large quantity management levels, when information is lost or distorted when passing from level to level. This is especially true for upward communication flows (bottom up, from subordinates to managers).

One more significant drawback it is necessary to recognize the existence of conflicts between separate groups and departments of the organization.

4. High degree spatial differentiation creates barriers to the passage of information through certain communication channels due to the remoteness of individual structural units of the organization. First of all, this concerns control and feedback channels, as well as channels through which printed information is transmitted (documents, scientific or technological literature, etc.).

Conflicts between different departments and people in the organization.

Problems associated with creating effective communications can be divided into two main groups: problems of structural communications and problems arising in the course of interpersonal communication. In organizations with a complex multi-level structure, problems usually arise with the transfer of information. The more levels there are in the structure of an organization, the greater the likelihood of significant contradictions appearing in it. The main problem of communications between elements of the organizational structure is due to uncertainty in the relationships between individual structural units of the organization. At the same time, orders and directives of the governing body of the organization may not correspond to the situation, may not be understood by subordinates, may be duplicated, and subsequent messages may contradict previously sent ones. In addition, if the situation is uncertain, horizontal connections between individual divisions or members of the organization become unreliable, information reaches the divisions chaotically, which causes information hunger.

Thus, the role of communication in managing an organization is very great. The formation of communication networks and the creation of conditions for the successful functioning of communications in an organization constitute one of most important tasks management. It is no coincidence that German scientists W. Siegert and L. Lang note: “The bread of the people of an organization is information and communications. If violated information flows within the enterprise and communication with outside world, the very existence of this enterprise is under threat. Information alone is not enough. Only when it is appropriately converted and processed, i.e. when communication connections arise, the existence and effective operation of the organization is ensured.”

Information exchange is included as a critical link in all main activities of the organization, therefore, if communication links(both internal and external) do not exist or function, this negatively affects the functioning of the entire organization. This is due to a number of reasons: heads of departments of the organization have to spend a lot of time searching necessary information and its processing; duplication of information occurs, since the same information comes to the organization’s divisions and to its management from different sources; in some departments and some managers there is a lack of information, while in other departments information overload may occur; employees of the organization have little knowledge of its activities, etc. In this regard, one of the main goals of management in an organization is the creation of a communication system, its launch and control over normal functioning. At the same time, it is the manager, as the subject of management, who is entrusted with the responsible mission of creating and maintaining effective communications in the organization. Management studies show that 80 percent of the working time of managers at all levels is spent on communication. The question is how effective this communication is, and therefore how effectively most of the working time is used.

It is sometimes believed that effective communication is an instinctive skill. But in life, when we communicate with others, very often something goes wrong. We say one thing, but a person hears something else, and as a result, misunderstandings, disappointments and conflicts arise. All this causes problems in family, educational and work relationships. For many of us, communicating more clearly and effectively requires learning a number of important skills. Whether you're trying to improve communication with your spouse, children, or your boss and coworkers, learning these skills will help you deepen your connections with others, build trust and respect, improve problem-solving effectiveness, improve teamwork, and overall social and emotional health.

What is effective communication?

Effective communication is more than just sharing information. It's about about understanding the emotions and intentions behind the information received. In addition to being able to convey a clear message yourself, you also need to listen in a way that allows you to understand the full meaning of what is being said and to make the other person feel heard and understood.

In addition to the ability to use words, effective communication includes four other skills:

1. Active (engaged) listening
2. Nonverbal communication
3. Stress management
4. Self confidence

Although these skills need to be learned, communication will be more effective when it flows spontaneously rather than in a pattern. For example, written language rarely has the same effect as spontaneous speech. Of course, developing these skills will take time and effort. How more effort and practice you put in, the more instinctive and effective your communication skills will become.

What prevents effective communication?

Common barriers to effective communication include:

• Stress and uncontrollable emotions. When you are stressed or emotionally overwhelmed, you are likely to misread and send confusing nonverbal signals to others and engage in harmful behavior patterns. To avoid conflicts and misunderstandings, you need to learn to calm down before continuing a conversation.
• Lack of attention. A person cannot communicate effectively while multitasking. If you're checking your phone, planning what to say next, or daydreaming, you'll almost certainly miss nonverbal cues in the conversation. To communicate effectively, you need to avoid distractions and learn to focus.
• Inappropriate body language. Nonverbal communication should confirm what is being said, not contradict it. If you say one thing but your body language says something else, the listener will feel deceived. For example, you cannot say “yes” while shaking your head “no.”
• Negative body language. If you disagree with the person or what is being said, you may use negative body language to respond to the message, such as crossing your arms, avoiding eye contact, or tapping your feet. You don't have to agree or approve of what's being said, but to communicate effectively and not make the other person defensive, it's important to avoid negative signals.

Skill 1: Learn Active Listening

When we communicate, we often focus on what we want to say. Although effective communication is more about the ability to listen than to speak beautifully. Listening also involves not only understanding the information being received, but also understanding the emotions that the speaker is trying to convey.

There is a big difference between active and simple listening. When you really listen, you are involved in what is being said, you hear subtle changes in the intonation of the voice that tell you how the other person is feeling and what emotion they are trying to convey. When you listen actively, you make the other person feel heard and understood, which strengthens the bond between you.

Additionally, by communicating in this way, you are “in the process,” which reduces stress and helps maintain physical and emotional well-being. If, for example, the person you are talking to is calm, then active listening will help you calm down too. Likewise, if a person is anxious, you can help them calm down by listening carefully and making them feel understood.

If your goal is to fully understand and connect with another person, active listening will often come naturally. If this doesn't happen, try following tips. The more you practice them, the more satisfying and rewarding your interactions with others will be.

How to become an active listener

• Focus on the other person. You can't actively listen if you're constantly checking your phone or thinking about something else. You need to focus on the present moment to pick up on subtle nuances and important nonverbal cues in a conversation. If you find it difficult to concentrate at some moments, then try repeating the spoken words to yourself - this will enhance the effect and help you concentrate.
• Turn your right ear. As strange as it may sound, the left side of the brain contains the primary processing centers for speech and emotions. Because the left side brain is connected to the right side of the body, focusing on the right ear will help you better identify the emotional nuances of what is being said.
• Avoid pausing or trying to redirect the conversation to your own problems, saying something like: “If you think this is bad, let me tell you what happened to me.” You will not be able to concentrate on the other person's message if you formulate to yourself what you are going to say next. Often the speaker can read your facial expression and know that your thoughts are elsewhere.
• Show your interest in what is being said. Nod occasionally, smile at the person, and make sure your posture is open and accepting. Encourage the speaker to keep talking with small verbal comments such as “yes” or “uh-huh.”
• Try to avoid judgments. To communicate effectively with someone, you don't have to like the person or agree with their ideas, values, or opinions. However, you need to keep aside your assessment, condemnation and criticism in order to understand the person as much as possible. Difficult conversations, even successful ones, rarely lead to warm connections between people.
• Give us feedback. If you sense a misunderstanding, reflect this by paraphrasing. “What I hear is...” or “It sounds like you mean...” are great ways to “reflect” what you heard. The main thing is not to repeat verbatim what the other person said, otherwise you will sound insincere or stupid. Instead, repeat the message in your own words. Ask questions to clarify things: “What do you mean when you say...” or “is this what you mean?”

Listen to the emotions behind the words

Emotions convey high frequencies human speech. You can tune in more to these frequencies and therefore better understand what others are saying by using the tiny muscles of the middle ear (the smallest in the body). You can develop them by singing, playing a wind instrument, or listening to certain types of high-frequency music (such as a symphony orchestra or violin, rather than low-frequency rock, pop, or hip-hop music).

Skill 2: Pay attention to nonverbal cues

The way you look, listen, move and react to another person tells them much more about your feelings than words. Nonverbal communication or body language includes facial expressions, body movements and gestures, eye contact, posture, the tone of your voice, and even muscle tension and breathing.

Developing the ability to understand and use nonverbal communication will help you connect with people and express what you mean, navigate difficult situations, and improve relationships at home and at work.

• You can enhance the effectiveness of communication by using open language body - do not cross your arms, stand in an open position, or sit on the edge of a chair and maintain eye contact with the person you are talking to.
• You can also use body language to emphasize or reinforce your verbal message—for example, patting your friend on the back when congratulating them on success, or slamming your fist on the table to emphasize your message.

How to Improve Your Nonverbal Language Reading Skills

• Consider individual differences. People from different countries and cultures tend to use different nonverbal gestures in communication, so when reading body language it is important to take into account age, culture, religion, gender and emotional state. For example, an American teenager, a grieving widow, and an Asian businessman use nonverbal cues differently.
• See Nonverbal Cues as a Group of Signals. Don't look for too much in one gesture or nonverbal signal. Consider all the nonverbal cues you receive, from eye contact to tone of voice to body posture. Everyone can accidentally slip up, for example, avoid eye contact, or briefly cross their arms without meaning to it. Look at signals as a whole to better “read” a person.

How to improve your nonverbal language skills

• Use nonverbal cues that match your words, and do not contradict them. If you say one thing but your body language says another, the listener will feel confused or suspect that you are being dishonest. For example, sitting with your arms crossed and nodding your head “yes” will not correspond to your agreement with what the other person is saying.
• Adjust your nonverbal cues to suit the context. The tone of your voice will be different when you are speaking to a child than to a group of adults, for example. Likewise, consider the emotional state and cultural background of the person you are communicating with.
• Avoid negative body language. Instead, use body language to convey positive feelings, even if you don't feel them. If you're nervous about a situation—a job interview, an important presentation, or a first date—you can use positive body language to signal trust, even if you don't feel it. Instead of carefully walking into a room with your head down and your eyes on the floor and sliding into a chair, try standing tall with your shoulders back, smiling, and maintaining eye contact while shaking your hand firmly. This will help you feel more confident and the other person calmer.

Habit 3: Keep stress under control

How many times have you felt stressed when you disagreed with your spouse, children, boss, friends or colleagues, and then said or done something you later regretted? If you learn to quickly reduce stress and return to a calm state, you can avoid such regrets, and in many cases, you can also calm the other person. Only when you are in a calm and relaxed state will you be able to know whether the situation requires feedback from you or whether the other person's signals indicate that it is better for you to remain silent now. For example, in situations such as a job interview, business presentation, meeting, or meeting a loved one's family, it is important to manage your emotions, be persuasive, and communicate effectively under pressure.

Quick stress relief for effective communication

When things get heated in a conversation, you need something quick and effective to ease the emotional tension. By learning how to quickly reduce stress, you will be able to regulate your feelings and behave with dignity.

• Recognize when you start to tense up. Your body will let you know about tension during communication. Are your muscles or stomach tight? Are your hands clenched? Is your breathing shallow? Do you “forget” to breathe?
• Take a moment to calm down before continuing the conversation or put it aside.
• Call on your senses to help. The best way quickly and reliably relieve stress - use the senses: sight, hearing, touch, taste, smell or movement. For example, you could eat a mint, squeeze a stress ball in your pocket, take a few deep breaths, clench and relax your muscles, or simply remember a calming, sensory-rich image. Each person reacts differently to sensations, so you need to find those sensors that will calm you down.
• Look at the situation with humor. At correct use Humor is a great way to relieve stress when communicating. When you or those around you start to take things too seriously, find a way to lighten the mood by telling a joke or a funny story.
• Be prepared to compromise. Sometimes, if you both give in a little, you will be able to find a middle ground that will reduce stress for everyone interested parties. If you understand that something is much more important to the other person than to you, then it will be easier to compromise, and it will be a good investment in the future of the relationship.
• Agree even if you disagree if necessary., and take time for everyone to calm down. Go for a walk if possible, or meditate for a few minutes. Physical activity or staying in a quiet place to regain balance can quickly reduce stress.

Communicate effectively while remaining calm under pressure

• Use delay tactics to give yourself time to think. Before answering a question, ask for it to be repeated or ask a clarifying question.
• Take a break to collect your thoughts. Silence is not always bad - a pause will help you take control of yourself and not rush into an answer.
• Express only one thought at a time and give an example or supporting information. If your answer is too long or you have several different thoughts, you risk losing the listener's interest. Stick to your main point, give an example, and then gauge the listener's response to see if you should make a second argument.
• Pronounce your words clearly. In many cases, how you speak is just as important as what you say. Speak clearly, maintain an even tone and maintain eye contact. Keep your body language relaxed and open.
• Summarize and then stop. Summarize your answer and then stop talking, even if there is silence in the room. You don't have to fill the silence with your conversation.

Habit 4: Become Confident

Direct, confident self-expression makes communication clear and will improve self-esteem and the quality of your decisions. Being confident means expressing your thoughts, feelings and needs in an open and honest way, while at the same time being respectful of others. This does not mean being hostile, aggressive or demanding. Effective communication is always about the other person, not about winning an argument or getting others to agree with your opinion.

How to become confident

• Learn to value yourself and your opinion. Your thoughts are as important as the thoughts of anyone else.
• Know your needs and desires. Learn to express them without attacking other people's rights.
• Express negative thoughts in a positive way . It's okay to be angry, but you should remain respectful.
• Receive positive feedback. Accept compliments with gratitude, learn from your own mistakes, ask for help when you need it.
• Learn to say no. Know your boundaries and don't let others cross them. Look for alternative solutions so that everyone feels good as a result.