The child does not want to go to kindergarten, what should he do? Why does a child not want to go to kindergarten?

Difficulties in getting a child accustomed to kindergarten sometimes cause parents a lot of worry and trouble, and sometimes they even have to seek advice from a psychologist. On the website Det-sad.com, dedicated to kindergartens, consultant psychologists have more than once analyzed letters from concerned parents. We publish the most striking questions and answers.

I don't want to kindergarten!

Hello everybody! Maybe you know how to help us? My daughter is 2 years 4 months old. She is a very emotional and shy girl, very attached to her mother, and even behaves warily with relatives. We went to kindergarten on September 1st in full dress. We have long dreamed of a kindergarten, of new friends, and waited until we grew up. We switched to the daycare routine in advance, constantly talking about our aunt-teacher, whom we could approach with any question or problem while mom was not around.

But on the very first day we were disappointed. They didn’t even let me say goodbye to the child, they just took me to the group and closed the door. The child stood at the door for a long time and shouted: “Mom.” I picked her up a couple of hours later. At home we talked to her and agreed that tomorrow we would go again, but we would say goodbye normally and part without tears. And so it happened. The teacher began to insist that I leave her for more long term. On the third day I picked her up after lunch, all in tears. Every morning we started with the words “I don’t want to go to kindergarten.” 3 weeks have passed. My daughter has never stayed up to sleep (she categorically refuses), but the teacher says that this is not allowed in kindergarten and insists. The girl became whiny, withdrawn, and irritable. She won’t let me go for a minute, she stopped communicating with her former friends in the yard, she says that all children are bad. At night he often wakes up screaming and crying.

She calls her mother and insists that she doesn’t want to go to kindergarten, that it’s bad in kindergarten. It’s impossible to find out what exactly is “bad” (she doesn’t say all the words yet). I started peeing at night again. The neurologist prescribed strong sedatives. And in the kindergarten they say that all children go through this and that there is no need to pay much attention to her whims. Please tell me what to do.

It’s great that you yourself feel: “not paying attention” won’t work, and there’s no point. I would also have my doubts about the pills - why does a child need such a strong suppressor? Self-regulation mechanisms work very well in children. And if a child does something and behaves somehow, you can be sure that he needs to do this. Well, kids don’t do anything unnecessary. It is to us, adults, that sometimes it seems that the child is “strange.” And everything they do is very expedient. We just don’t always understand what the point is. These simple and natural mechanisms allow children to adapt to new situations. Let's see what he does to adapt to the new life situation your girl.

She cries, “I don’t want to go to kindergarten,” she withdraws, has become irritable, is afraid to leave her mother, has stopped contacting the children, sleep has been disturbed, she pees at night. In principle, the general trend is normal. The girl masters a new situation, all her strength is thrown into solving new problems, and a return (temporary) occurs to an earlier stage of development, as if she had suddenly become younger. Look how reasonable and logically beautiful this is! The saved energy is transferred to processing relationships with the new environment - the teacher, the children in the group. As soon as the girl adapts (the problem is solved), all her old skills and abilities will return to her. She will again become the same as she was before the garden.

If you start suppressing the child with pills, nothing will be processed, the problem will not be solved (in the worst case, until retirement). Yes, she will behave more calmly. Yes, he will let you go. Yes, he will sleep peacefully. But at what cost? The price is quite high. The problem is not solved, but is driven inside the little person. Where it leads? Possible options: illnesses, psychological problems, tensions, complexes and the like. Why do you need this?

There is one interesting point in your question, which is often omitted in such cases: how do you personally experience the process of your daughter getting used to (or not getting used to) kindergarten? How do you feel about this? How strong are your feelings? What are your expectations?

It would seem, what does this have to do with it? Very much so. Your feelings come out whether you want it or not. What you think about a lot, and even very emotionally, always comes closer to you, is attracted, simply because you pay a lot of attention to the issue.

If a mother has deep confidence that her child adapts flexibly to new situations, that he is interested in everything new in life (and this is actually the case - especially for children!), such a mother behaves accordingly. Some elusive details, gestures, facial expressions, intonation, eye expression - everything tells the child (and others too) that this is my child, she is so beautiful, perfect, with such wonderful capabilities and abilities, she is growing and developing , learns, changes and remains a wonderful, unique person.

This is about trust in the child and his capabilities, about trust in yourself, about confidence - yours. Your confidence is a very important thing for your child, but for you it is simply critical, the main thing.

Let's return to the garden. I assume that reality has destroyed your expectations about the kindergarten - the picture you painted turned out to be inaccurate, to put it mildly. Your disappointment, which you mention, in this situation, it is advisable to process it as quickly as possible - after all, you were not obliged to guess absolutely exactly how it would be there, in the unknown garden? So the kindergarten doesn’t have to be the way you imagined it. And the teacher has the right to be different - not better or worse, but simply different. Agree, if life unfolded exactly according to our calculations, how many pleasant surprises we would have lost! Forgive this garden for the fact that it turned out to be harsher than you wanted - and let go of your disappointment on all four sides, free it, let it fly away. Now you can return to real circumstances and accept them as they are. What can be done here?

You can replace the pills with a break - a vacation. For example, stay at home for a couple of weeks and then go back to the group. So we will give the child Extra time to digest information. Next, you do not leave the girl for a quiet hour - this is also a great way to give the child the opportunity to get used to the garden more smoothly. Does she want to be with you as often as possible? Great, let it be as long as she needs it. Give her the opportunity to make sure in practice that you are not with her only in the garden, the rest of the time you are freely accessible and do not disappear anywhere.

A little more about trust in yourself and your child. I'm very glad that you have this in order. Your letter mentions two advisers - a teacher and a doctor. What you do is simply brilliant - you listen to their advice and act as you and your daughter decide. This is at least wise. They are truly advisors, with their experience and knowledge. But the decision is made by you and your daughter. Well done! (With your permission, I also consider myself an advisor.)

The child does not adapt to kindergarten

Good afternoon My child is 4 years old, we started going to kindergarten at 1 year 10 months. The child has poor immunity, we were constantly sick and continue to be sick. We suspect bronchial asthma, we are now being examined, because... often suffered from obstructive bronchitis. We walk for 10 days at a time and are sick for 2-3 weeks. In the summer we don’t get sick at all; in 4 months he didn’t get sick even once.

This year we went on September 15th, left for a week and got sick for 2 weeks. Then they went out for 4 days, and the child started vomiting in kindergarten, at intervals of 2-3 days. We passed all the tests, did an ultrasound of the stomach, everything was ok. They found out that the child was stuffed with food by force. We told the teachers not to force-feed them.

Appeared new problem: the child wants to poop before kindergarten for 3 days in a row, even if he just went home. I think it was because of nervousness. They are forced to wipe their butts themselves, and my child is worried that he won’t wipe it well. We ran out of paper, the teacher gave him someone else's and said: don't tear too much, it's someone else's. At home I teach him to wipe himself.

The child does not want to go to kindergarten, he has a complex, he is afraid that he will be scolded, that he will do something wrong. The teachers, in response to my request to help him adapt after the summer, do not make any effort. Every morning he cries and asks me to wait until he poops. The child is very worried, and they attribute this to adaptation to kindergarten. Tell me how to help my child adapt and get sick less often.

Olga Sergacheva, child psychologist, answers:

Hello! In your case, I think we should no longer talk about the child’s adaptation to kindergarten, but about the consequences of poor adaptation (or rather maladjustment). Frequent illnesses (including acute respiratory infections and a simple runny nose) in your case are more likely psychosomatic, i.e. The main reason is psychological problems. If these problems are not addressed, the diseases will continue and become more complex. The appearance of symptoms such as vomiting and the desire to poop indicates that the problems are currently serious (this can lead to neurosis). The child’s whole body is just screaming - I feel bad, help me! For a child, kindergarten is now already a stress factor that triggers the whole mechanism of problems. Doctors and pills in in this case are not the only way solving the problem - you eliminate the symptoms, not the cause.

Definitely, you just need to contact a child psychologist. The child needs psychological help, work with a psychologist. If kindergarten agrees to help you and work with your child, good. If not, look for another child psychologist and go for help. At best, the teachers and the head will agree with you and do what is not difficult for them. There are many children in our kindergartens, and teachers are not focused on an individual approach, especially with a difficult child. Be active yourself. It is very difficult for you now, you are very tired, there is a lot of worry and trouble, but it is even more difficult for your son - he is small and defenseless in this complex world around him. Try to gather all your strength, all your love, and along with going to doctors and child psychologists, find time to give your son tenderness, care, moments of affection and love. He needs this so much right now.

Adaptation to kindergarten through crying... Why?

Hello! Please advise what to do? We go to nursery for two days (my son is 1 year 8 months old). On the first day, the teacher took my son in her arms and carried him to the group, she didn’t let me bring him in, she said, leave quickly (state kindergarten). This caused a terrible cry (or hysteria) in my son, such horror and for a very long time. I thought they would let me take him in and get him acquainted - he generally stopped letting me go anywhere after we were in the hospital, on a drip. I was taken aback, he came to me, and his teacher went to the group: go, we’re not supposed to. An hour later I took him, it should have been two, and said that I would stay with him tomorrow, she agreed. They came again - the teacher was already against me being there, I persuaded her to let me stay for breakfast. When my son was distracted by a toy, I left, but the crying could be heard on the street. Is it really necessary to teach this way, through crying? My son, I see, already treats me differently, more and more towards his dad, but two days ago everything was the other way around. Maybe I'm exaggerating, and let him cry, as they say, and get used to it. But for some reason I don’t agree with this, I want to go out with him for the first time, they don’t allow it yet. And the husband says: he will get used to having you around, then he won’t be able to leave at all, and how long will you walk with him like this? But this is stress for him. Is it supposed to be like this, I don’t know? Or is it better to take him to the garden in a year? And again the husband does not agree, he says, the team is there, let them get used to it. Thank you.

Lyubov Goloshchapova, child psychologist, answers:

Dear Mom! I was very touched by your letter. I agree with you completely. A child shouldn't cry. We give birth to children not so that they feel bad, but so that they enjoy life (preferably with us), so that life is interesting and pleasant for them, and not scary and painful. Therefore, I would advise you to urgently change the situation with the nursery: either find another nursery, with more humane and understanding teachers, or stay at home for a while. At 1 year 8 months, the average child’s need to communicate with peers is still weakly expressed; it gradually grows, reaching its first peak at 4 years. Now for your baby, the relationship with mom and dad, the closest people is much more important, and peers are interesting, but not enough to spend the whole day with them.

In your case, you shouldn’t be afraid to raise a “mama’s boy” who will hold on to his mother’s skirt at the age of 15. At approximately 2-2.5 years, the time comes when the child learns to “break away” from his parents, especially from his mother. All kinds of “I myself” are becoming more and more frequent, the child tries on the role of an independent person, he is interested in learning to do everything himself, it is interesting to try to move away from his mother - both literally and figuratively - and then return. At the same time, he actively learns, looks at your reaction, tries, improvises, creates.

Now I’m revealing a secret: at this stage of development, “mama’s children” are formed - dependent, dependent, infantile adult uncles and aunts who cannot take a step on their own. A dependent person is formed precisely at this age, when as a child he really wants to do something himself, try something new, move 20 meters away to draw with chalk on the asphalt, for example, but mom or dad is hysterical: don’t you dare run away! There are crowds of women walking around there, my grandmother is in poor health, she doesn’t take a step without my permission, and so on in the same spirit. As you can see, the situation is a little different - the child wants to move away for a while and then return, but he is not allowed.

Your baby openly protests against breaking up with you, even if only for a few hours. In my opinion, this can only mean one thing - it’s probably too early, or the kindergarten is not quite suitable. Children have such a wonderful spring inside - it forces them to do what they really need and not do what they really don’t need. Adults also have it, but not everyone has it equally strong. Some adults push it into a corner so much all the time that it loses its elastic properties. How do they stuff it? And with the words: it is necessary, must, everyone is like this, otherwise it will be bad, otherwise it is impossible. Dear adult comrades, you can! Each of you is a creator, you can live not as you are “supposed to”, but as your soul tells you. Some call it "happiness."

The child suddenly began to refuse to go to kindergarten

Good afternoon Please help us understand the situation!

My daughter has been going to kindergarten since she was 1.8 years old. They always ran to kindergarten with joy, jumped with delight and didn’t want to go home. I couldn’t be happier and really sympathized with those mothers whose babies were crying. Until the age of 3, we went to the same kindergarten. Then we moved to live in Moscow, and here we also got a job in a kindergarten. And they also walked without problems. But it all started unexpectedly...

In the kindergarten (we are talking about the current institution) there was only one teacher and nanny. That is, the shifts never changed. And suddenly in March another teacher came, and shifts began. Moreover, the new teacher had no experience working with children at all. The group was in complete chaos! The children became very spoiled (many parents noticed this). As a result, this new teacher moved to another group, and everything was the same for us again. Everything would be fine, but our daughter cries every morning! Of course, I don’t want to blame the teachers, but for some reason our concerts began during this period.

I don’t know what to think. My daughter says that kids in kindergarten bully her, bite her, pinch her, although I don’t see any marks on her. I asked the teacher about this. They say that she is sociable among us, the children themselves are drawn to play with her! And no one offends anyone! Then there was the reason that the cook did not cook well. But it really happened, the cook changed, the reason to cry disappeared.

Then my daughter started crying a lot and was afraid that I wouldn’t come for her in the evening. And she doesn’t want to go to kindergarten at all. I don’t even understand where this came from! We explain that we love her very much, that we feel very bad without her. We try to make plans with her for the evening in the morning on the way to kindergarten, so that she feels very needed in the family!

Please tell me how to behave correctly? How to get to the bottom of the real reason? It seems to me that the child is not telling us something! I wanted to go to a psychologist, but I couldn’t get it for free, because... We don’t have permanent registration in Moscow, and the fees are a bit expensive!

We really hope for your help.

Lyubov Goloshchapova, child psychologist, answers:

Dear Yulia!

I would like to talk to you, because several important details are not entirely clear from your letter.

First, when exactly did your daughter start crying about kindergarten: when the new teacher arrived, when she left, or in between?

Secondly, about the reasons for dissatisfaction that your daughter names. After the cook changed and things became delicious again, was she at least happy with life for some time? Or did everything continue as before, you were just given a different reason?

The reasons for crying can be very diverse, but if a child constantly doesn’t want to go there for a long time, maybe the easiest way is to pick her up from kindergarten?

In order to find out the true reasons for this behavior, I can suggest several methods, and you yourself choose what suits you best. If you are playing with your daughter, try to “play out” the situation with kindergarten, let a doll or a bear, or anyone else go to kindergarten - even grandparents, even a scooter. This way it will be possible to test the waters about relationships with the teacher, children, and other staff. There is a lot of room for creativity, you will feel it yourself if something goes wrong in the game, you just need to play sincerely, for real. Have fun!

You can invite your child to draw (or just see what she draws) - draw a kindergarten, a teacher, children, a game, a walk, lunch, whatever she wants. Pay attention to the colors, just listen to your feelings when you look at the drawing, children draw very expressively, you know.

It will be very good if you can answer the question: what else has appeared new in the girl’s behavior besides her reluctance to go to kindergarten. Habits, relationships, preferences, topics that interest the child - perhaps you will find a hint here too.

One of possible reasons There may be age dynamics - a person grows, needs change, and this is very good, but now she needs a different teacher. Or maybe he came to the kindergarten group new baby, to whom your daughter reacts in a special way?

In addition, it follows from the letter that you do not completely trust your daughter and believe that she does not trust either, because... doesn't say anything. Hence the desire to “get to the bottom of it.” And the little girl herself may not even realize that she is so stressed out in kindergarten, she just feels it, that’s all.

If you can't get to the bottom of it, don't be discouraged. In this case, you can try to change the kindergarten, or generally find an alternative to the kindergarten. Honestly, a child knows better than us, smart adults. Remember what you yourself do if you don’t like something or someone without any reason apparent reason- I don’t like it, and that’s it, but what exactly I don’t like is unclear, there’s simply nothing to complain about. For example, in such a situation, sometimes I also want to get to the bottom of it, especially if the question is important to me. Do you know what I do if I can’t understand the reason for the antipathy? I turn around and very quickly leave that place or that person with whom I feel uncomfortable. After all, I live now, and I can figure out the reasons later.

You can just trust your intuition - it will never let you down. Likewise, a child can be trusted, because in children this same intuition usually works much better than in adults. Solve the issue together! If you and your daughter join forces, a solution will definitely be found.

Danagul | 10/12/2018

Hello! My daughter, she is 2.6 years old, started going to kindergarten in September. In the beginning, she was whiny and had trouble sleeping at night. Then after more than a week she started throwing tantrums at home for no reason. I myself am now on last month pregnancy. I lack nerves and patience for her hysterics. I can scold her. Sometimes, even out of powerlessness, I ignored it, and she could cry for an hour. Then she took it in her arms. Today the teacher said that she began to behave withdrawn in the group. Does not play with other children, refuses to eat, and may sit and cry quietly in a chair. What do you say about this situation? Maybe I have mistakes in my attitude towards her. I do not know what to do. No forces. She is also sick at the same time. 3 weeks have passed, it all started with sniffles, now he has a cough. When ill, she was absent from the garden for a week. But this week was a nightmare for me and my grandmother. I could have hysteria for a long time, at least 3 times a day.

Anna | 09/05/2018

Hello, my daughter is 4 years and 2 months old. From the age of 2 she went to a private kindergarten and sometimes cried in the morning, but in general she behaved well there and liked it. From the age of 3 we went to the municipal DS, I quickly joined in and everything was fine. In the summer we left for 2 months, a new teacher came to us, the child refused to go to kindergarten for a while, he cried very bitterly 😢. During the day, she asks the Teacher to call her parents to pick her up. In addition, since she was 3 years old, she has been going to rhythmic gymnastics with pleasure, BUT now she doesn’t want to go there either?!((((3 weeks of hysterics in the kindergarten and at the gym? Other children are fine with the new Teacher. What should I do? Please advise 😟. We We are talking But there is no way out yet.

Eli | 07/29/2018

Hello! Please tell me, my son has been going to kindergarten for 5 months now, but lately, since 2 weeks, he has been crying at home and is not accepted and for several days he eats out of spite, asks for a potty and runs harder from it, but there is one thing, but they have a new nanny for like 2 weeks

Irina | 04/11/2018

The child is 5 years old, he went to kindergarten with pleasure, now such hysterics are simply terrible, no one offends him, on the contrary, they set him as an example for other children, how should I be, I feel sorry for him, how he is worried and I don’t know what to do

Julia | 07/13/2017

Good afternoon. We have such a situation. We are 4 years old and we are in middle group, all this time we went to the garden perfectly, about 3 months ago our group was connected to a nursery due to a lack of staff. The child’s character changed, she became more irritated, when she scolded, she began to snap back and sometimes fight, and when the teacher went on vacation, she became hysterical every morning and looked for any reason not to go to kindergarten, she simply did not want to, because her teacher was not there. With hysterics, I no longer have the strength to take her to the garden, although later she feels good there. How can you solve the problem? Do not go until the teacher returns from vacation. Thanks for any advice

Tatiana | 11/30/2016

Hello! Our situation is somewhat similar to the above, but in some ways it is not. My son is now 5 years and 4 months old; he started going to kindergarten at 4 years and 10 months old (from June). We spent the whole of June going for walks; as a rule, I went more or less willingly, but without much enthusiasm. From August the kindergarten was closed until September. He walked more or less normally again, but before sleep. At the beginning of November I fell ill and returned to kindergarten after 3 weeks, but now every morning there are bitter tears, although without hysterics. My heart is breaking! When asked why you don’t want to go to kindergarten, he answers, “because it’s bad there”; maybe someone is offending you? - No. Our main teacher is wonderful and has an approach to children! But she is often not there and, accordingly, different teachers come to replace her all the time. At home, my son is very active and lively, in kindergarten he sits quietly, like a mouse. He only wants to be with me. I'm worried because... back to school soon! Please tell me what we should do so that he can happily go to kindergarten? Thank you in advance!

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New environment, new people around, new rules. Together, all the “delights” of kindergarten life can frighten a child and negate his desire to plunge into a new life.

Read about the causes of the problem and how to solve it.

Why does the child not want to go to kindergarten?

Remember how you felt before your first day on new job. Agree, at least at that moment you were very worried. So, the relationship between a child and a kindergarten follows approximately the same scenario.

Here's why a child may refuse to go to kindergarten:

Unusual environment

The first days in the garden are adaptive for the child: he must get used to it and stop perceiving the place as something unfamiliar and unusual.

Difficulty communicating with children

Not all children are capable of rapid socialization. The reason for reluctance to go to kindergarten may well be the lack of friendly relations and, as a result, loneliness.

Problems with the teacher

The teacher did not allow me to stay outside longer - the child was upset. The teacher spoke sternly about the need to maintain silence during quiet times - the child went on strike.

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Time must pass for the baby to get used to the new way of life and new people.

Family problems

Sometimes family problems are hidden behind the reason for reluctance to go to kindergarten. Perhaps quarrels or domestic violence negatively affect the child, and in this way he expresses his internal protest.

Unpreparedness for change

Changing the regime and daily routine is not perceived correctly and easily by all children. If the child has never taken a nap during the day, which is required of him in kindergarten, then he may not like the new “rule”.

Don't want hysterics and tears to be repeated every day? Consider these tips.

Talk to your child

Ask what worries him. It is necessary to build trusting relationship with the child to know what is going on in his life.

Give your child freedom

Nurture independence in your child. On playgrounds, allow him to communicate with peers. Children need to constantly communicate with the outside world.

Build the right relationship with your teacher

If you want the relationship between the teacher and the child to develop well, you need to treat her with due respect. Don't make a fuss or be rude.

What to do if the child does not want to go to kindergarten?

Constant stress

The first months in kindergarten are a real stress for a child. Everything changed for him: his daily routine, his diet, the atmosphere itself. Instead of your beloved mother, there are other people’s “aunts” and peers nearby, relationships with whom you still need to be able to establish. It is quite natural that the baby is very worried, and this affects his behavior: he eats poorly, refuses to sleep, cries or throws tantrums. There is often a regression in development: the baby stops speaking or starts peeing in his pants again. Don't be angry with the baby, it's better to just help him!

Iron mode

It is difficult for a child at home to switch to kindergarten mode, in which everything is scheduled minute by minute. In order for adaptation to the garden to be successful, it is better to switch to the “kindergarten” mode in advance (at least a month in advance). Find out from the teachers how the day is organized in your kindergarten, and slowly introduce your child to this routine. It is enough to gradually change your daily routine, shifting your usual activities by 10-15 minutes. If you haven’t done this, then at least now try to bring your child’s daily routine on weekends closer to the routine in kindergarten. Do not allow your baby to “sleep” to his heart’s content (although you can sleep a little longer!).

The same advice applies to nutrition. Find out the “kindergarten” menu in advance and try to gradually bring your home diet closer to it. It is also advisable to eat at home at the same hours that children do it in the garden.

The child does not sleep in kindergarten

One of the most common complaints from mothers of new kindergarteners is “The child doesn’t sleep in kindergarten!” In this case, you will again have to work from home. Try not to fall asleep with your child in the same bed. Read a fairy tale to your baby, stay close to him, but try to get the baby to fall asleep on his own. Try to avoid unnecessary stroking before bedtime - it is unlikely that the teacher will stroke each child’s back! At any time other than going to bed, there must be tactile contact between mother and child!

Psychologists and experienced mothers advise putting your child to sleep at home with a small soft toy that you can take with you to kindergarten. It can be scary for a baby to fall asleep in an unfamiliar environment, but a favorite toy will, to some extent, “replace” his mother and be able to calm the baby down. Try to compose a fairy tale in which a bear (bunny, kitten) went to kindergarten, at first he was not very comfortable, but then he made friends with the children and teachers. Such a fairy tale must certainly end with the return of the mother!

If a child is used to falling asleep only with a pacifier or “on his chest,” it is advisable to wean him from this habit before he crosses the threshold of kindergarten. But if you have not done this in advance, then take your time! Weaning is extremely stressful for a child, and the baby is still in a depressed state. Wait for the child to adapt to kindergarten and then plan weaning.

First conflicts

A child may refuse to go to kindergarten because he could not find mutual language with a teacher or peers. At 2.5-3 years old, children begin to actively communicate with peers, and kindergarten becomes a kind of culmination of this communication. The first friends and the first enemies appear in the garden. Here you will have to be more attentive: pay attention to who the child communicates with, with whom the relationship has changed. It is quite possible that the child does not want to go to kindergarten because he had a fight with a friend. And another reason could be... first love. Try to talk gently with your child and find out about everything from him. And never allow yourself a drop of irony over the big feelings of a little person!

It is also quite possible that your child and his teacher could not find a common language. Ideally, you need to get to know the teacher in advance, observe how she talks to children and how she behaves. It is important to understand whether you are ready to entrust your child to this person, because it is the teacher who will spend most of the day next to your child. If you treat your teacher with respect and trust, then this attitude will certainly be passed on to your child. He can easily make contact with the adult whom his mother trusts. This means that the child will be able to contact the teacher with his needs and problems, share his impressions and joys.

Don't forget to chat with other parents of children attending your group. Unfortunately, sometimes it happens that the teacher really performs his functions poorly, and then the majority of the group will express dissatisfaction. In this case, you will have to contact the head of the kindergarten and decide on replacing the teacher.

"I myself"?

It will be easier for a child who has at least basic self-care skills to adapt to kindergarten. Try to teach your baby how to use a mug and spoon, fasten and unfasten Velcro, buttons and zippers (you can buy or make educational toys with various types of fasteners). Try to choose clothes and shoes for the garden that will be easier for your child to handle. For example, Velcro would be preferable to laces, and rivets would be preferable to buttons.

It is better to wean your child off diapers before kindergarten. Experts believe that the optimal age for potty training is 18 months. Typically, children rarely go to kindergarten before 2 (or even 3) years old; you have plenty of time to teach your child toilet skills. However, if this has not yet happened, then you can try to suggest to teachers that the child wear a diaper at least for a walk. Considering that walks usually last 2.5-3 hours, and Small child If they are unable to withstand this time without going to the toilet, then teachers often agree. The main thing is that using a diaper is a temporary precaution.

"Tarnished" reputation

Often in the garden the child begins to pee in his pants again, although at home he confidently goes to the potty. Teachers and nannies get angry because they have to change the baby’s clothes, and other children may laugh and refuse to play with him. If ridicule is regular, the child may become very worried, withdraw into himself and begin to pee in his pants both at home and on the street. Naturally, in this case, the child will not be willing to go to kindergarten.

Find out the cause of incontinence. The baby may pee, for example, because he simply has a cold. The reason may also lie in the sharp tone of the teacher: a young kindergartener, accustomed to his mother’s soft voice, may simply be frightened. It is possible that there is an aggressor child in the group who laughs at your child in the toilet, and therefore the baby is afraid to go there, preferring to do the “wet thing” directly in his pants. Talk unobtrusively with the child himself, his teacher and other children in the group - this will often reveal the most unexpected details. Also, the baby often pees due to a simple reluctance to be in kindergarten - this happens during adaptation to kindergarten. Don’t scold your baby; it’s better to try to give him maximum attention at home, support and encourage him.

And finally, some useful tips:

Do not frighten your child with kindergarten - otherwise he will never become loved and safe place for a child.

Never discuss the kindergarten and teachers in front of your child, otherwise the child will think that he is surrounded by bad people.

Do not punish a child who cries when parting. It's better to gently remind him that you will come back for him.

Don't deceive your baby. Do not say that you will come soon if the separation is for half a day or a whole day, otherwise the baby will lose trust in you.

Help your little one love going to kindergarten. Be calm, confident and set yourself up only for good things. Whether meetings with peers and the teacher will please your child - this largely depends on you.

For me, the truth is in last paragraph. I realized that in many ways we ourselves are to blame for what is happening to our child now. Although I have never discussed the kindergarten and the teachers, there is still constant talk about the kindergarten (how can you not talk about it if friends and relatives ask or call?), and the child is nearby and hears and perceives everything! Kindergarten, kindergarten, kindergarten... probably Darina, who didn’t really understand what it was, was already getting bored and stressed out, since everyone around her was talking about it so much. Our daytime sleep went wrong - they began to focus too much on this: “Doesn’t sleep during the day,” “What should we do?” etc. In general, I’m starting to correct the situation - I’m working on myself and my thoughts. I see progress in adaptation, and so does the teacher. Not all at once. I understand that stress is not good for my child, but I accept it, because this is a necessary and inevitable moment in separation from my mother.

Thank you for your attention, I hope this post will be useful to someone)))))

Enrolling a child in kindergarten today is quite problematic. But now all the obstacles have been overcome, the medical examination has been passed, the bag with a change of underwear has been collected. However, it is too early to rejoice; there is a so-called adaptation ahead, when the child does not want to go to kindergarten. What to do if tears flow in a stream, and pleas to stay at home are tearing mother’s heart apart...

How to persuade a child to go to kindergarten “I won’t go to kindergarten! Home is best!"

Of course, home is better! But mom shouldn’t agree with this now, because her task is to be on time for work without being late. And besides, she is confident in the professionalism of the teachers, the nanny, the cook and even the janitor Uncle Kolya. This means that nothing and no one threatens her baby, the day will fly by in children's joys and fun. What should you tell your child?

And you are the answer!

Spend some time telling your aspiring kindergartener in detail how kindergarten can be a good time too! Just different than at home.

• If your child loves communication, emphasize that new friends and girlfriends are waiting for him in the group, with whom he will probably come up with a lot of new games.
• An introvert will love your memory from childhood that it was in kindergarten that you learned to sculpt from plasticine or paint with watercolors: “Look, we carry them with us in a bag, you will have classes!”

When emphasizing the advantages of kindergarten, focus on the needs of your offspring. At the same time, in this way you will direct his consciousness to look for “pluses” in a new place for him. In the evening, be sure to ask your child what he liked most about kindergarten today. And get ready to listen carefully, he will have something to tell you about!

“Will you come back for me?”

Instantly turn off the usual sarcasm for an adult, they say: “No, I’ll leave you to live here, that’s what you’re making up?” Everything is too serious for a baby. And it doesn’t matter that last night, with great difficulty, you took him home from the kindergarten veranda, where he had already made friends, now, at eight in the morning, he is again in a panic: the love of his life, his mother, is leaving him. The conclusion is obvious: she doesn’t love him anymore, which means she won’t come back for him.

And you are the answer!

Urgently hug your baby, gently kiss him on the cheeks, again and again. And then say gently but firmly: “I love you, my button. Now you will eat, take a walk, sleep, eat and walk again, and then - oh, mom has come! Now take Tyapa and run to the group, he will guard you there!” Let's figure out what's what.

• Listing specific stages of a child’s life in kindergarten not only calms the baby’s psyche, they are understandable to him, unlike the abstract “I’ll come after work” or “in the evening.” What time is it in the evening? A two or three year old toddler does not yet have an understanding of time.
• Why is Tyapa, or a teddy bear, or a doll brought from home so important? She certainly won’t be able to protect the baby from strangers. In fact, it could even be a broken spare part from a robot that the child managed to put in his pocket when leaving the house! The main thing is that this is part of his usual home environment. Talk to the teacher so that the baby is allowed to sleep during “quiet hour” with his friend and “protector.” A toy symbol of a home instills in a little kindergartener the much-needed feelings of security, peace and comfort right now, and this is love.

“I’m bored, no one plays with me!”

In fact, the problem is that the disgustingly well-mannered classmates deliberately ignore your child, and he, poor thing, is forced to spend his days bored in a corner all alone. At this age, it is rare for a child to know how to make friends, make friends and invite them to play together. Over time, with the help of teachers, the children in the group will make friends, learn to be the first to make contact, and build relationships. In the meantime, your task is to remain calm, do not start a “showdown” in kindergarten without serious reasons, and slowly set your baby up for independent search friend.

And you are the answer!

Ask your child: “Who do you want to play with?” Surely he already has in mind the quiet curly-haired girl Masha or the fighting boy Petka. “What would you like to play with Masha/Petya?” For space invaders we take alien figurines from home, for “mothers and daughters” we take a baby doll with clothes.

• It’s easier to start friendship with a smile and accessories that match the activity you’re doing together. Small children are easily “led” to bright toys, and then they are only half a step away from having bright, sincere feelings towards a new friend.
• On occasion, meet Masha or Petya’s parents, find out which playground they go to for a walk when their child has a birthday. In today's disconnected world, especially in big cities, it is almost impossible for our children to form strong friendships without the organizational support of adults. Perhaps mom will now have to play the role of a fairy, thanks to whose efforts a friendship will arise for life!

HELPFUL ADVICE. In order for a child to develop self-esteem and a sense of confidence in any team, he must hear the word “thank you” addressed to him at least eight times throughout the day. Therefore, do not skimp on praise and thank your child even for something insignificant.

If the child is capricious and hysterical

Your child can't live a day without a hysterical show and regularly the day before going to kindergarten? Start fighting this urgently - such concerts have a bad effect on the child’s psyche.

To begin with, make lists of what your child can and cannot do, and strictly adhere to one line of behavior. If one of the parents prohibits and the other allows, you will only convince the child that he can achieve anything by causing a scandal with mom or dad. No reason other than the weekend holidays, illness or quarantine, should not be a reason for a child to refuse to attend a child care facility. At the same time, it is important that this rule strictly observed by all family members.

If a child is hysterical in kindergarten or in another crowded place, under no circumstances make a show out of it, scaring him that now “give it to that aunt over there,” “call the policeman,” “that guy over there will scold you,” etc. All these people are the spectators that the little manipulator needs for his solo performance, and if they are not there, the performance will become uninteresting.

Important: under no circumstances should you use your need to “go to work to earn money” as a belief. The kid is not able to understand what it is and why he can’t go there with you, not to mention the danger of fostering a distorted sense of duty.
And finally, under no circumstances should you scold or punish a child if he does not want to go to kindergarten. A backlash will follow and persuading your child to attend preschool will become even more difficult.