The child does not want to go to kindergarten. Why does a child not want to go to kindergarten?

Not every child will go to school every day. kindergarten with visible pleasure. After all, to do this they need to get up early, the food there is different from home, the teachers do not allow them to do what they like, and, most importantly, there is no mother there. But make sure that the child wants to go to kindergarten Perhaps today we will talk about what is required for this.

Today you brought to kindergarten your baby. Most likely, after some time this day will no longer be so bright, and your memory will send memories of it to the far corner of your consciousness. But, on this moment, you remember to the last detail the reaction of your child, the expression in his eyes when you left him in kindergarten. Let's try together to figure out what problems await parents and children when entering a children's institution, and learn how to get out of the current sensitive situations.

Let's consider the teacher's opinion kindergarten which is everything work time spends time with children and sees all their problems from the inside. Her name is Nadezhda. She believes that if the baby is without visible reasons suddenly refuses to go to kindergarten, which means you need to look for the reasons that provoked this. Perhaps your child had a fight with one of the children, maybe one of the other children offended him with a word or even hit him. Or it may be that the child has a conflict with the teacher, especially if the child is asking you which teacher will be in the classroom today. kindergarten. In order to find out the real reason for what is happening, try to display together with your child kindergarten in playing with toys. To do this, play out the scenario of one day he lived in kindergarten. Try to find time and talk with your child’s teachers. Explain to them that your child is very sensitive and it would be good if they try to give him a little more attention. Each person is an individual. This also applies to children: one will not particularly react and take it to heart if he is scolded, while the other may withdraw into himself at the slightest raising of his voice. The child will not say anything to the teacher in response, but resentment will accumulate in his soul.

What does mom think about at work?

Much is said about the stress that a child receives when one day his usual life changes dramatically. Previously, he was always with his mother or another close person to whom he was accustomed. All attention was directed only to his person. Now everything is different. He found himself in a completely unfamiliar and new group among other children and strange women. Mom and dad, of course, know why their baby is now forced to spend most of the day in children's kindergarten. And he himself has yet to find out what exactly the phrase means: mom goes to work. But for some reason, few people talk about the stress that mothers themselves experience. Very often, parents are forced to send their little one to a child care facility before he turns two years old. For the child himself, this is a very difficult step, both psychologically and physically; he still has a very strong dependence on his mother. A child can adapt much more easily to someone else’s team when he is already four years old. Children of this age begin to feel the need to communicate with peers, they become interested in playing in a group. For a mother, it doesn’t really matter how old her baby is, two or five. In any case, he always remains a little child for her, for whom she worries.

In such cases, women can be advised to leave all their worries at home when they go to work. With a child in kindergarten nothing will happen. Clearly plan your work day and follow this plan. This will make it easier for you to distract yourself from the thoughts that bother you.

Let's look at a real life example. Catherine, when she gave her son to kindergarten, said that she had to go to work, and his job was kindergarten. The boy was then 2 years and 7 months old. The child asked her if it was true, and she answered yes. After this, the woman had no problems sending her son to a children's institution. Every morning they happily get up and begin to get ready for work, which is different for each of them. The baby likes that he imitates adults in at least some way. He dreams of becoming big himself. In addition, the parents joyfully announced to all their friends in the presence of the boy that their child was going to work, and he felt proud from such words.

Some women are afraid that one fine morning their little one will categorically refuse go V kindergarten. And what should they do in this case, because they need to go to work. Sometimes parents drag their children into kindergarten by force, sometimes urging them on with light slaps on the sore spot. There is no excuse for parents to do such things, especially if the adults lose control of themselves. But you can force a toddler to go to kindergarten without shouting or using force, and he will do this voluntarily and with visible pleasure. I would like to tell you a few life stories on this occasion.

One mother says that in order to take her toddler to kindergarten, they had to get up at half past six, leave the house at seven in the morning and ride the bus five stops. It is more than likely that the baby did not want to get up so early, especially in the first days of his new life. Mom tried to tell him every morning new invented reasons why he had to get up so early. The reasons were very varied. They went to see where the buses slept or how the sun rose, listened to the morning trill of birds and enjoyed the silence of the morning city.

Besides talking, there are ways to get your child interested in morning walks in a different way. The woman we wrote about above allowed her little one to run through puddles during the rain and even jump on them, having first put on rubber boots. Almost all children like this, and the anticipation of the upcoming walk helps them wake up faster. And this is not strange, because almost all parents forbid their children to play in puddles, but here there is such happiness. Sometimes the mother tried to interest the child in some extremely important matter. For example, you can take candy to your teacher, or come to kindergarten faster than everyone else in order to have time to ride the car beloved by all the children in the group. Give your child a new toy and tell him it would be great if he showed it to the rest of the children. You will see that your baby will eagerly run to kindergarten, because there you can show off your mother’s gift to others. For us, all of the above methods seem not so important, but for children everything is completely different. They love to be the first and the best, they love to feel the attention of others. Parents, for their part, must believe in such interests of their children.

It was not difficult for the mother to take the child to kindergarten on those days when the theater should come to them with a performance, or Santa Claus should come with gifts. The main thing is to remind him of the upcoming event, and the baby himself pulled his mother outside.

Or one more example. Evgenia’s son is now three and a half years old. She chose a slightly different way to interest him kindergarten. The woman told the boy that she went to work in order to be able to buy him new toys and sweets. He, for his part, must go to school with other children. kindergarten to learn everything new. A mother enters into a kind of agreement with her son. She buys him different things every day, and he goes to kindergarten, and then tells her how he spent the evening.

She talks about one episode that particularly stuck out to her. It was winter, and since it started snowing in the evening, in the morning everything around was under a layer of snow. The woman suggested that due to weather conditions there will be difficulties with transport, and being late at kindergarten and she didn’t want to go to work at all. But, if something doesn’t work out, it usually leads to a whole chain of similar events. This is what happened with Evgenia. That day, no amount of persuasion or promises could get her son to get out of bed and go with her outside. He was no longer interested in sleeping buses, and he did not want to bring any candy to his teacher. But here, too, the child’s mother found a way out of the situation. She told her son that the evil Baba Yaga was in a hurry to get into his children's room. kindergarten to eat the children's porridge. Such words had their effect, and the child began to rush in pursuit to save the children’s property from Baba Yaga. By the way, in pursuit, he was going to fly straight on a broom. Mom couldn’t convince him that buses travel much faster, and she had to give up two old mops to save the children’s breakfast. On these brooms they “flyed” all the way to the bus stop, and only there the woman managed to convince her son that they would not catch the villain on brooms, and a big bus would help them with this. The baby believed her, and they safely continued their journey to the kindergarten. Parents must apply their own methods of influence to each child, and parents know better what they will be.

Perhaps the situation described above will be perceived by most readers as stupidity shown by a woman. And the mother believes that her son liked the story she came up with, and, most importantly, he remembered it for a long time. While she and the boy were driving to kindergarten, they slightly changed the role that Baba Yaga played in the story. Now she didn’t want to eat the children’s porridge, but, on the contrary, cook them something tasty. And she will cook for them every morning, while the boy goes to “work” in the children’s kindergarten. The boy liked this story, and for quite a long time he told everyone he knew about who exactly cooks porridge for them in the kindergarten. As it turned out, Baba Yaga’s culinary abilities were at a fairly high level.

Any methods are good to achieve the desired result. The main thing is that before going to kindergarten, the child was in a good mood, then you will pay less for him at work.

And here is another example from life of how you can interest a child in his “work.” Regina's daughter is three and a half years old. She has several proven methods in stock that help her get her girl ready in the morning. At least one of them will definitely work.

Sometimes she tries to call the little girl to conscience and understanding. The woman tells her that her daughter is already quite an old girl, and understands perfectly well that her mother is forced to go to work, because without money you can’t buy anything. She then lists everything she can buy. Of course, the girl is not indifferent to all of the above things.

You can play a little on your daughter's property. Suffice it to say that if she wants it that way, then kindergarten maybe not go, but then other children will play with her favorite toys, another girl from their group will put her things in her locker. Doesn't she need all these things anymore?

Sometimes a woman remembers other children with whom her daughter likes to play. After all, her friends will be very upset if she doesn’t come to them today and doesn’t play their favorite games. They will think that their girlfriend is sick and will miss her very much. “But you’re not really sick, are you? Do you remember your best friends, or don’t you like them anymore?”

Sometimes it helps to discuss the path ahead. kindergarten. How will they do it today? Maybe my daughter wants to ride a scooter, or ride a bicycle. While the child has not yet grown up, you can convince him of anything through conversations. Hysterics practically never happen, and if sometimes they do, then it will be enough to wait until everything is over and try to convince the baby again.

But all of the above was the opinion of one side - my mother. Let's now consider the opinions of children, why exactly they do not want to go to kindergarten, as well as their mothers’ comments on this matter.

Misha is 5 years old, and his reluctance to go to kindergarten He explains that he is offended there and no one wants to play with him. Mom, in turn, says that her son is a social boy, he has many friends with whom he quickly found a common language. And his statements are just an excuse to stay at home with her.

Or Dima, who is 4 years old, complains to his mother that he is in kindergarten They are not allowed to run through puddles and are scolded for it. Mom said that in new group The teachers are kind and sympathetic, but in reality everything is not like that. That's why he doesn't want go V kindergarten.

What is the opinion of the boy's mother? She says that for the summer, her son was transferred to another group. But the boy categorically does not want to go there, because he does not like the new teachers. The problem was solved with the help of the grandmother, who took her grandson to her dacha for the whole summer. And in the fall he will return to his group again as before.

Serezha is 6 years old and doesn’t like going to school. kindergarten because there you have to sleep during the day, and they punish pranks there. And yet, none of the children want to play with him.

His mother says that they recently changed kindergarten, and her son was not immediately able to make new friends. The parents solved this problem by taking their son home immediately after the children had lunch.

What is the psychologist’s opinion about all the excuses that children come up with in order to don't go V kindergarten? Or maybe these are not just excuses?

All mothers react very painfully to the remarks of their child who does not want to go to kindergarten. This especially depresses her when she is forced to go to work and there is no other way out. And the child throws tantrums every day, and the mother feels like a traitor to her child. Sometimes they consider it best to take time off from work in order to babysit the baby themselves, or call a grandmother to come and babysit her grandson. But this scenario cannot be called the best. First, parents should objectively figure out why their child does not want to attend kindergarten.

If these are the first days of his new life, then there is nothing strange or inexplicable in his whims. Every, even the most insignificant, change of environment frightens the baby, and here there is such a shock. Parents should be patient and wait until the child adapts a little. It's best to first bring him to kindergarten for several hours, gradually increasing this time. This way he will quickly get used to the new environment. Help him find friends in the new team. If possible, you can interest your baby in drawing or modeling classes, so that kindergarten he was able to amaze everyone with his skills. If you have a game at home that can be played by several children at once, bring it to your child's group. Let him tell other children about its rules and teach them the game. If from the very beginning parents actively help the child adapt to a new environment and a new team, over time your little one will begin to ask to go to kindergarten. There he will be much more interested than at home: there he can play with other children, practice drawing or learn another rhyme.

If you have already gone to a child care facility before, but now for one reason or another are forced to change it, then in the new place the child will adapt much faster than the first time. Although the stages he will have to go through are no different from those he went through when he first came to kindergarten. Try to take some time off and help your baby get used to the new place.

A situation may also arise that a child has been going to a children's institution for several years, and suddenly, out of the blue, declares that he will not go there again. In this case, you need to understand the current situation, because for such behavior of the baby, there should be enough good reason.

First, make sure your son or daughter is completely healthy and has had a good night's sleep. Sometimes it is poor health that can cause a child to refuses to go V kindergarten. It should be taken into account that there may be no visible signs of illness, and the baby does not show any complaints.

If the child is completely healthy, you need to look for another reason for such actions. If you try to ask him directly about what is happening, you will most likely achieve nothing. Try to approach the issue from afar. Tell a story from your life, and if you don’t remember, show your acting skills. You can tell me that when you went to kindergarten, you had a very close friend with whom you constantly played. But one day there was a serious quarrel between you, after which the desire to go to garden you're missing. But it can be done differently. For example, tell us what you have in kindergarten there was a teacher who was very kind and whom you loved. But one day she yelled at you for a minor offense, and that day you firmly decided that you would not go there again. If among the examples you tell your child there is a true reason why he behaves this way, the child himself will immediately tell you about it. When the reason is clear, act according to the circumstances. After your child’s story, you can continue your “life story.” Tell us that soon, as soon as you arrived at the kindergarten, you made peace with your girlfriend, and the relationship between you did not deteriorate at all. Maybe the baby will follow your example.

If you still cannot figure out the reason for your child’s behavior on your own, talk to his teacher. Arrange a time when you can come early and talk about possible reasons the current situation.

It also happens that a child’s reluctance to go to school kindergarten multiplies day by day, and over time becomes obvious and persistent. Most probable cause in this case, it will most likely be that he is simply bored there. Perhaps the teachers do not work with the children at all; they do not have group games. If this is really the case, then try to put yourself in the place of your little one. Would you like to sit cooped up all day and do nothing, and this despite the fact that the children themselves can play in some kindergartens prohibited - rules. After all, at home the child will be much better and more fun. There are his toys here, you can watch cartoons on TV, especially since his beloved mother is always nearby, ready to play with him at the slightest request. If this is exactly the situation with your baby, try to tell him what he can do and how to entertain himself and the other children. You can give him drawings or plasticine with you. But the best thing you can do for him is to find another kindergarten where children will be taught as it should be.

If you are trying to persuade a 5-6 year old child go V garden, put pressure on his conscience, make sure you don’t go too far. If you tell him that you have to go to work to earn money, and his duties include visiting the children's garden, think about the imprint your words will leave on the baby’s soul. Most likely, he will not be very pleased to hear this, although such a statement will have an effect. Parents should not strive to ensure that their child goes to school kindergarten as your duties or as a matter of course. They should help him find in the nursery kindergarten something that is really interesting to him and that he enjoys going there. In order to achieve such an effect, sometimes it is enough to look for another kindergarten, which is very difficult in modern conditions.

I would like to note right away: I am against visiting the garden until the age of three. This is my professional point of view. Therefore, everything that we will talk about next is applicable for children over three years old. So, here are the possible reasons:

The house doesn't let go

The first option is the parents’ fear for the child (he will be sick, he will be too weak physically, the teachers there will not take care of him as needed, and the like). The second is the negative parental experience of visiting the kindergarten in childhood. And the parent subconsciously sends this internal perception to the child. “This is a terrible place, but you have to go there,” the mother seems to be conveying to the child. "Will not go!" - the healthy psyche of the child screams. The third is the fear of the mother’s authenticity. Often in the case of younger children, when the stage of annoying childhood ends in the family, the mother begins to be afraid, unconsciously. All this time she was a young mother who took care of a small child, and now he is going to kindergarten, and she has fears about whether she will be needed (“who will I be without a child”).

All this can affect internal solution child. “It’s better if I stay at home, mom will be calmer this way,” the child feels. “Mom won’t worry about me, I won’t go to a scary place, if I leave home, trouble will happen” - the last fear is typical of overly responsible children.

The house is pushing

But how can a parent’s active desire to send a child to kindergarten prevent him from wanting to attend this kindergarten? But everything is the same. And in this case, the child is forced to cope not only with his own emotions and experiences, but also with the experiences of his parents. In fact, parents unconsciously convey to the child: grow up quickly, prove to the whole world that we are good parents. When parental self-esteem is directly related to the child's achievements and success, this becomes an impossible task for the child. This often happens to older or only children. In this sense, life is easier for the younger ones. When such pressure arises, the child loses a sense of security from what is happening, anxiety grows, he wants to hide in the familiar safe place. “What if I can’t handle it? Better at home I’ll sit,” he feels.

Have you ever jumped with a parachute? No? Then just try to imagine. There's a difference between jumping on your own and being pushed out of a plane. Just imagine this. An “innocent” push in the back can have a very serious impact on the child’s entire development. There is a simple rule: calling is possible and necessary, pushing is not. First, you need to understand your own motives and not hang your experiences on your child. Sometimes just realizing that it is there, “these are my cockroaches, they are there, but you don’t have to react,” saves the situation. Then the child has a choice.

It is worth having escape routes: grandmothers, nannies, girlfriends. A hopeless situation worsens the child's condition. If you plan to go to work, first adapt to the garden, and then go to work. The most sociable child needs time to adapt. It is important to remember that for a child, kindergarten is new level relationship. This is the time when the child receives an answer to the questions: “how will I relate to the world and myself?” The baby takes behavior patterns from adults, but learns them in communication with children. And here it is important not to forget about this importance; you need to make it clear to the child that he himself is busy with an important task, and we, adults, understand this. This is not “mommy is busy, so you’ll go to the garden” - that’s wrong. That's right - “while you are busy with important things, I can go to work.”

Child is not ready for kindergarten

A story from practice. Anya, 5 years old, flatly refuses to go to her favorite activity - dancing - in the garden. On the day when there is dancing, she does not want to go to the garden at all. I practically turned the whole kindergarten inside out to find out the reason - the teacher, the teacher, and the director. Everyone was cooperative, everyone wanted to help. It turned out that Anyuta couldn’t… fasten her beautiful new shoes. Pride did not allow me to ask for help, and my desire to shine did not allow me to wear my old ones. Hence the tears. Conclusion: than better baby has self-service skills, the easier adaptation is. Keyword here it’s “convenient” - putting it on, putting it away, fastening it. A poorly fastened zipper causes aggression in the teacher. An adult is angry at the lightning, and not at the child, but the baby does not see the difference! For him it’s “Auntie doesn’t love me.” And the teacher can understand: problems with lightning once are not a problem, but 15 times in 15 children are a problem. One teacher told me about a couture scarf on a girl that made her think of Isadora Duncan. A child is running around the playground in a long, fluttering scarf, and the teacher is worried that the scarf is about to get caught on something and suffocate the baby.

Remember, a child without you is different, behaves differently than with you. A little girl performing decorously in a white overalls with her grandmother right hand, and with his mother - on the left, in their absence, with a running start he dives with pleasure into the first dirty puddle he comes across. Remember, luxury clothing is not for the garden. Take one day and observe your child from the point of view of his willingness to do everything himself (like in the garden). Try to make everything comfortable. It is necessary that nothing interferes with him, nothing scratches him. Your son may be eager to go home because he feels uncomfortable in the new T-shirt, and he wants to take it off and put on an old, homely, soft one.

The kindergarten is not ready for the child’s special needs

Problems with refusing to go to the garden may be related to the garden itself. Because the kindergarten is not ready for your child’s special needs. Take, for example, hypersensitivity to noise. There are children (and not only children, but also adults) who do not tolerate high level noise. I know several managers whose rapid careers were explained by the desire to quickly get a separate office and move out of open space.

Also, for example, there is a peculiarity - intolerance to unauthorized touches. If an employee of the company where you work starts pushing, grabbing or biting you, you will at least be surprised. In the adult world this is unacceptable, but in the children's world it is commonplace. And the teacher’s words “don’t come near him, he’s gentle with us” do not help the child establish relationships with other children. He is ready and willing to play and push and participate in games, but in control of the process. He is not against communication, he is against the fact that touching and such actions happen suddenly and without his consent. With such a child, the teacher needs to spell out the rules of behavior in the game: you can grab the hand, but you can’t grab the braid. And the child must be prepared for what will happen now.

There are children who cannot sleep in gardens. There are adults who don’t sleep in other people’s houses – what kind of children do you think they grew up from? They need their own safe space. For them, sleep is an intimate process. Such children will willingly play, walk, and so on, but will not sleep in the garden.

Another recurring characteristic of some children that can cause problems with the garden is that there are children who are constantly experiencing cognitive hunger. They need something constantly happening around them, they need a situation of active development - performances, games, and so on. And if adults don’t organize it, they organize it for themselves (see “Problem Child 1 and 2”). “We can’t keep up with your child,” teachers say in such cases. These children do not fight, they simply constantly involve other children in various activities that teachers do not have time to monitor.

Parents of such children need to remember: this is not a problem, but a feature of the child. There is no need to redo it to adapt your baby to the garden. We need to look for a kindergarten and teachers who are ready to accept and take into account these features.

Be careful with any value judgments regarding your child. If teasing and some negative nicknames or definitions of a child are clear to everyone, that is bad, but positive assessments (“helper, calm boy, serious girl, good organizer, and so on”) are just as dangerous.

A story from practice. Vanya, 6 years old. He flatly refuses to go to the garden. Mom takes me to the wall of glory at their house, hung with certificates and filled with cups. The child is a leader everywhere, successful, everyone loves him. Mom is perplexed: “Others have problems, but what are ours?” Indeed, the boy has the qualities of a leader, organizes an interesting life for the group in the garden, games and the like. And everyone, including teachers, expects this from him without fail. The child practically went to kindergarten as if he were going to work. Let me remind you once again that for harmonious development, a child must try himself in areas and spheres in which he is not strong, and develop them. How can you try something new that you are not yet successful at, when you are constantly asked to demonstrate success? In the case of Vanya, it turned out that Vanya fell in love and tried to do something that he had never done and could not do - write poetry. He was not allowed to write poetry in the garden - they expected active games and organization from him, they watched what he was doing, he was visible all the time, and he was embarrassed. Therefore, he sat down at home, locked himself in a room, covered himself with Pushkin and began to write poetry. Imagine: a six-year-old boy locked himself in a room, closed the door with a closet, and refused to go into the garden.

And I’ll tell you what advice I gave to his mother: well, let the child write a poem already! Children have the right to be different.

Many parents are faced with a very unpleasant and difficult to solve problem when the child does not want to go to kindergarten, organizing real concerts in the morning, even to the point of hysterics. The nervous systems of absolutely all family members suffer from this. Someone lets this happen, silently dragging the child out the door into the street and forcibly sending him to kindergarten. Some try to understand the situation, finding out the reason for this behavior through conversations with the baby himself and his teachers.

Undoubtedly, it cannot be left like this. It is imperative to figure out what’s going on and take appropriate measures: advice from a psychologist to help young parents. And first we need to determine why this happens.

After the first hysteria, there is no need to run to the teachers and in a raised voice to figure out why the child does not want to go to kindergarten: they will probably tell you that this is a natural reaction of most children. Actually this is not true. And the first step should be to analyze the situation from the inside: talk to your child, observe his behavior at home, offer to draw a picture of his stay in kindergarten. All this will allow us to find out what is happening to him. Let's look at the most common and common reasons.

• Difficulty communicating with other children

This can happen due to internal isolation or spoilage of the baby himself. Perhaps they don’t want to be friends with the child in kindergarten because he has speech problems or pathologies in appearance, to which children are so susceptible (cleft lip, lack of hair, extensive pigmentation or scars on the face, etc.) .

• Child's unwillingness to attend kindergarten

If his parents have not taught him to have a daily routine (eat and sleep at a time), obedience (you need to follow certain rules of behavior, respect adults), and communicate with other children, he will not want to obey all this and go to kindergarten. If previously he led a free and carefree life, then any limits will cause protest and hysterics in the child.

• New kindergarten

It is too common reason, why the child does not want to go to kindergarten. He may miss the old friends and caregiver he was used to. In a new group, relationships may be so formed that he simply cannot fit in there.

• The teacher's attitude towards the child

Increasingly, parents consider this factor main reason, why their child doesn’t want to go to kindergarten in the morning. And although in fact this turns out to be exactly the case only in 30% of cases, such a development of events should not be ruled out. If the teacher is tough, authoritarian, too demanding, allowing rudeness and even assault towards children, this problem will have to be solved radically. After all, your baby is simply afraid to go to a group with such a person.

• Unusual environment

New things, strangers' faces, unfamiliar rooms - some children react very strongly to all this: they want to stay at home, in their own environment. The result is to cling to your mother’s housecoat and flatly refuse to go to kindergarten.

• Problems at home, in the family

Often the reason why a child does not want to go to kindergarten is not the child care facility, but the child’s fears and worries about what is happening in his family. Divorce of parents, death of someone close, assault at home, frequent quarrels between father and mother - all this can result in morning hysterics and tears. Kindergarten here is just a cover for a deeper depression that occurs inside the baby.

• Refusal of specific events

Sometimes a child doesn’t like something specific in kindergarten, so the protest can be directed at a specific point in the daily routine:

- the teachers complain that he does not want to eat, refuses to sit at the table, scatters food around him;

- the baby does not want to sleep during the daytime, disturbing others, running around the bedroom or simply crying quietly in his crib;

- the child does not want to engage in drawing, modeling and other programs in kindergarten, which are now oversaturated in this children's institution.

Based on these factors, try to find out why the child does not want to go to kindergarten: what was the reason for the morning tantrums. If you can't do this, decide this problem It will be almost impossible, if only with the help of sessions with a psychologist. If you know exactly what happened, you will need to act based on the clarified circumstances. But here we also need to take into account the ways in which the child expresses his protest.

Helpful advice. You shouldn’t ask your child a question directly: “Why don’t you want to go to kindergarten?” He is unlikely to correctly and competently formulate the reason. A more flexible approach is needed, in accordance with the advice of psychologists.

Ways to express protest

If a child does not want to go to kindergarten, he will definitely show this to his parents. Moreover, this will be expressed completely differently for everyone. Protests can be very obvious, or they can proceed secretly. The task of parents is to recognize both in time.

Verbal form of protest

The child does not hide the fact that he does not want to go to kindergarten. He can say this in different ways:

1. Calmly, going home or before bed: most often this happens when some private, isolated conflict has occurred in the group, which the baby will forget about over time, so you should not focus on it.
2. This will be expressed every day, with anguish, most often in the morning, and will be accompanied by tears, screams, and hysterics.

If in the first case you just need to wait until the child stops feeling offended, then in the second you will have to take urgent measures.

Hysterics

Reluctance to go to kindergarten is often expressed by hysteria, the symptoms of which are well known to many parents:

1. The child screams loudly that he does not want to go to kindergarten, while not noticing anything or anyone around, not reacting to the words and consolations of his parents.
2. He begins to throw everything, stomp his feet, wave his arms, even bang his head on the floor or wall, without feeling pain.
3. Loudly, heart-rendingly crying, sobbing, tears flowing like a stream, looking offended, from under his brows.

Such hysteria requires an immediate reaction from parents. Firstly, we urgently need to find out the reason why the child so categorically does not want to go to kindergarten. Secondly, this is a painful condition that requires treatment. The baby will have to be shown to a psychologist or psychotherapist.

Cry

If a child cries in the morning and doesn’t want to go to kindergarten, but it doesn’t reach the point of hysteria, you need to first have a conversation with the child himself, and then with the teacher.

Hidden forms of protest

It is much easier if the child does not want to go to kindergarten and shows it with his behavior or speaks about it openly, because the parents know about it and can take some measures. It’s much more difficult when you only have to guess about it. To help parents, here are the symptoms of such a hidden protest:

• the child constantly delays time in the morning, getting ready for kindergarten;
• comes up with any excuse not to go there: “Mom has a day off today,” “Grandma can sit with him,” “He’s sick,” “There’s no one to leave the dolls with,” “bad weather” - children’s imagination can, without exaggeration, be limitless;
• in the morning he is not in the mood, although he does not openly say that he does not want to go to kindergarten, while he skips out of it;
• in his drawings he paints the kindergarten in black tones, role playing games, which he plays with this institution, there is always a conflict situation;
• The child may develop insomnia.

If a child does not want to go to kindergarten, attentive and caring parents will definitely see this, even if the forms of protest are hidden. There are a number of activities that will help you solve this problem. Remember: moving to another child care facility does not always help. Let's see what psychologists advise in this or that situation.

Keep in mind. The faster you recognize the problem and possible reasons why your child does not want to go to kindergarten, the easier it will be to deal with it.

Proposed measures

So, what to do if a child does not want to go to kindergarten, showing his protest in a variety of forms.

Finding out the reasons

1. Talk to the child. When picking him up from kindergarten, be sure to ask him how his day was. In such a conversation, he can tell which of the children offends him or that the teacher shouts too loudly. In 80% of cases, this is enough to identify the reasons why he does not want to go there.
2. Talk to the teacher: calmly, politely, without raised tones or complaints. This way you will find out the opinion of the adult in whose care your child is in kindergarten. Listen to his advice and draw your own conclusions about the role of the teacher in your child’s life.
3. Talk with the parents: if most of the group has hysterics and tears in the morning about kindergarten, it’s time to convene a parent meeting and find out the reasons for this behavior of the children.
4. Ask your child to draw a kindergarten. If the picture is lively, bright and joyful, the real reason for his tantrums lies outside the kindergarten: most likely, at home, in relations with his parents. If the drawing is dominated by dark tones, someone is crying, quarreling or swearing, it’s time to visit the teacher or show the drawings to a psychologist.
5. Ask the teacher for the results of the classes conducted in the kindergarten. If your child is unable to sculpt or draw, read or make something, you will need to work with him additionally at home so that he does not feel inferior compared to other children.

Elimination of causes

1. If your child has difficulty getting along with other children, go out with him more often, try to break the circle of his isolation, socialize him with everyone available methods. Teach him to live in a team, society, society.
2. Stop indulging him and spoiling him.
3. The child’s daily routine at home and in kindergarten should coincide as much as possible in terms of meal times and.
4. Raise your child so that he obeys his elders and understands subordination from an early age.
5. If the reason why your child does not want to go to kindergarten is the incompetence of the teacher, which affects all children in the group, you need to express your dissatisfaction with the management of the kindergarten and seek reassignment.
6. If this is a personal conflict between the child and the teacher, you need to talk to the latter. If the problem is not resolved through conversation, you will have to change kindergarten.
7. If possible, try to spend at least one day with your child in kindergarten. Of course, you won’t see an objective picture, since the same teacher will behave differently in front of you. And yet, you will be able to catch what exactly does not suit your little one in the group.

Elimination of pathologies

1. Correct your child’s speech defects that interfere with his socialization and activities in kindergarten. Make an appointment with a speech therapist if necessary.
2. If you have any pathologies (cerebral palsy, mental retardation, Down syndrome, hearing or vision problems, etc.), there is no need to insist on staying in kindergarten for ordinary children. If there are specialized preschool institutions in the city that work with children like yours, it is better to send your baby there.
3. If your baby is very sensitive and emotional, and that is why he does not want to go to kindergarten, because he is uncomfortable there, he needs a calm environment, a friendly atmosphere. Make an appointment with a psychologist who will tell you what to do in a given situation. Listen with him in the evenings classical music, protect him from stress.

1. Try not to change kindergarten if your child wants to attend it and likes it there.
2. If your child begins to throw tantrums about the fact that he does not want to go to kindergarten, you should not take it out on him. On the contrary: if the parents behave calmly, then he will stop being nervous.
3. Don't let your child witness quarrels between adults. His parents' divorce should not affect him in any way.

So, if a child does not want to go to kindergarten, we need a full, comprehensive analysis of what is happening to him in the group, how other children and the teacher treat him. But the reason for such a child’s behavior is not always his environment and external factors. Often the problem lies either in himself or in the environment at home. Therefore, parents do not always assess the situation objectively. To prevent this from happening, the most best option- seek help from a child psychologist who will advise what needs to be done to solve this pressing problem.

Kindergartens are very useful institutions for society as a whole and every family with small children. In them, children acquire communication skills in a team, become more independent, are prepared for school, and mothers get the opportunity to realize themselves in the professional sphere and improve the financial situation of the family if it has been shaken during maternity leave.

However, some kids take going to kindergarten literally with hostility, and every day getting ready for kindergarten turns into a war - with quiet whimpering or loud hysterics. There is no need to give up kindergarten - “non-kindergarten” children do not go through the necessary stage of development and adapt much worse at school. The problem can be solved by identifying the reason why the child does not want to go to kindergarten, knowing what to do and following the advice of a psychologist.

Main reasons

Reason #1. Adaptation

The beginning of “kindergarten” life and joining the children’s group with its strict routine and rules changes the child’s entire way of life. Instead of a mother - a teacher, instead of favorite toys - unfamiliar children around and classes on a schedule, instead of the usual food - the creations of kindergarten cooks with the need to eat it all. Some children do it quickly, others find it more difficult - they cry, ask to go home, refuse to eat and may even get sick.

Solutions

Remember, even adults find it difficult to adapt to a new team, so don’t throw your child into “ new life", like in an ice hole. Soften the period of adaptation, make it smoother. The kindergarten staff will definitely help you with this. Find out the schedule and menu in the kindergarten in advance and get as close to them as possible at home long before your first visit to the garden. During walks, come to the kindergarten, play with the children on the playground, you can also arrange a preliminary excursion to the group to captivate and interest the baby.

It is best to send a child to kindergarten at 3-4 years old, in a group of the same newcomers; at an earlier age he is too attached to his mother, at a later age he will be forced to adapt to an already established team.

During your first visits to the kindergarten, leave your child for an hour or two, then start picking him up after a morning walk, after lunch, and so on. Watch the baby - this period may take a different time for each baby, do not rush events, but also do not allow yourself to be manipulated by leaving him at home.

The same should be done when moving and moving to a new garden - adaptation will be shorter in time, but with the same stages. To make it easier for your baby, teach him a new interesting game, which he can play with the guys - this will help him get used to it faster.

An important point - strictly follow the regime, put your child to bed on time - without enough sleep, he will be in a bad mood in the morning and whine, not wanting to go to the garden.

Particularly sensitive babies can be given a “helper” or a “piece of home” with them - this could be a soft toy, some kind of small amulet in their pocket that will support the baby until the mother returns.

Reason #2. Food and sleep

The food in kindergartens is simple and standard - soups, cereals, omelettes, casseroles, jelly, compotes. Not all children like it, and besides, when preparing “culinary masterpieces” in large volumes everything is possible - the porridge burns, the onions float in the soup in large slippery flakes. The child refuses to eat, but the teacher insists: you need to eat everything, porridge with lumps, milk with foam, quickly and without whims. Persuasion, threats, and prolonged sitting at the table, when all the children have already gone for a walk. It is clear that such daily torture does not increase the desire to go to the garden.

The same is with daytime sleep - some 5-6 year old children no longer need it, and the teacher requires them to lie quietly and with their eyes closed.

Solutions

Force feeding is one of the deepest psychological traumas that can be experienced in childhood. The task of parents is to avoid this themselves and to protect their child as much as possible from such situations in kindergarten. Talk to the teacher, clearly explaining your position: you cannot force your child to eat, even if he eats poorly or eats little. Let him eat as much as he can - you will have no complaints. Even a “little one” will eat at least something in company with classmates. Do not feed your baby in the morning so that he “works up an appetite” for breakfast, do not give sweets with you.

The situation with sleep can also be resolved peacefully: if it is possible to pick up the child before bedtime, take him; if not, try to agree that he will quietly draw or just lie down, but without sharp demands to fall asleep.

Reason No. 3. Lack of independence

It is difficult in kindergarten for children who have been overprotected, not given the opportunity not only to express their opinions, but also to acquire the necessary self-care skills. Other kids may laugh at them; teachers are also dissatisfied with the “hoarders” or “dirties” who demand a lot additional attention when dressing or eating, the child himself can express his desires with whims, which also does not contribute to “joining the team.”

Try to reduce the amount of your care and guardianship even before visiting the kindergarten, take your child to playgrounds, clubs and studios early development, let me . If a problem has already arisen, practice self-care skills with your child at home - in a playful way “conquer the naughty spoon”, “subdue buttons and laces”, be sure to make sure that the child washes his hands well and knows how to use a handkerchief.

Reason No. 4. Educators

There are 2 possible situations here:

• the teacher is biased towards the child, rarely praises and often scolds him, speaks negatively about his behavior and abilities in the presence of other children;
• It’s boring in the garden, the activities are monotonous and uninteresting.

It is sometimes very difficult to identify such situations - the baby will not tell you directly about what is bothering him. Go from the other side: bring situations from your childhood, stories of your familiar children, “I was often scolded by the teacher in childhood...”, “A girl I know complains that kindergarten is not interesting, they play on their own...”, play with toys “Day in garden” - in the child’s answers and behavior during the game you will definitely “find” the problem.

If the teacher is aggressive and undeservedly punishes children, the problem must be solved together with other parents by contacting the kindergarten administration. However, surprisingly, some children may adore the same teacher, while others may quietly hate them. If, in general, the teacher treats children well, does not yell at them, does not humiliate them, and the lessons are interesting, then a conflict is possible with your child. In this case, it is incorrect to “jump over your head” and go straight to the administration; talk to the teacher first - do not behave aggressively or ingratiatingly, try to conduct a constructive dialogue and draw up a joint action plan to overcome the impasse. Typically, educators welcome the active participation of parents in the child’s life and are happy to meet them halfway.

If the response is negative and common language It was not possible to achieve, it is better to transfer the child to another group or kindergarten. The same should be done if the teachers are unprofessional, do little with the children, and the children in the group are left to their own devices.

Reason No. 5. Conflicts with children

A child in kindergarten may be teased for peculiarities of appearance or behavior, for inept actions, for sneaking and whims.

A child can voice his grievances, but more often he remains stubbornly silent, withdraws into negativism and refuses to go to kindergarten without explanation. You can identify the problem in the same way as in the previous case - in a roundabout way, in conversation or during a game.

There is no need to directly “showdown” with offenders - this is unethical, because you will not fight with preschoolers, and often it is pointless - the hail of ridicule can only intensify.

Help your baby in a different way: keep him clean and tidy appearance, work on self-care skills, teach counting rhymes and games that will captivate other children, “unearth” the child’s talents - drawing, sculpting, singing, reading poetry - and with the help of the teacher, give him the opportunity to demonstrate his skills - his classmates will see him completely differently. At first, the most effective ways The fight against “name-calling” is a sincere laugh with the offenders, ignoring ridicule and “excuses”, for example, “Whoever calls names is called that himself.”

Rare causes

There are many other, individual or situational reasons: from serious ones - the child is aggressive, shy, withdrawn, hyperactive, to simpler ones - the child is often sick, he simply manipulates his parents to stay at home, he quarreled with a friend, or he simply does not like or is uncomfortable with his clothes. kindergarten - a lot of fasteners, difficult to put on and take off, too elegant and the baby is afraid of getting it dirty.

In these cases, parents will have to conduct a real investigation to identify the reason for their reluctance to go to kindergarten, and then call on all their pedagogical and psychological talents and solve the problem, taking into account the characteristics of their baby.

Work on mistakes

Avoid common mistakes that, for any reason, a child refuses kindergarten, only aggravate the problem.

It is forbidden:

• show your baby your anxiety;
• scare kindergarten;
• deceive the baby - by calling the time of your arrival, keep your promise;
• allow manipulation, succumb to persuasion;
• criticize the kindergarten or its workers in front of the child.

As you can see, the reasons why a child does not want to go to kindergarten are quite varied. Correctly identifying them is already half the solution. Do not distance yourself from the baby, try to create and maintain with him trusting relationship– this will help both in identifying the causes and in solving the problem. Most importantly, do not resort to radical measures and do not completely abandon kindergarten, depriving the child of opportunities for socialization and development.

Kindergartens were created for the convenience of parents and the comprehensive development of children. Taking into account the constant employment of adults, children's institutions have become widely in demand. Perhaps some of us would refuse to use this option and would leave the child near us all day, but not everyone really has this opportunity. The situation when a little person does not want to go to kindergarten, unfortunately, is not uncommon. And the reason lies not so much in existing conflicts with someone, but in the fact that the child simply lacks parental attention and warmth. He wants to spend more time with his mother, but she persistently sends him to someone else’s aunt in the group. However, the options may be different. Below are effective advice psychologist, with the help of which parents will be able to understand the reasons for this child’s behavior.

Children often throw tantrums in the morning, refusing to go to kindergarten. What to do if the situation is slowly but surely getting out of control? In any case, you shouldn’t get irritated in response and try to force your baby to do what you expect from him. Listen to him, because he asks for your attention. The more you focus on yourself and everyday problems, the further away you become from own child. If he has difficulties and does not want to go to the garden, then something is really wrong. Don't let the process take its course. Take care of your baby's feelings.

Causes

If you take a closer look at your own offspring, you can find a lot of reasons for refusing to attend kindergarten. It seems to us, adults, that the baby is simply capricious and does not want to obey generally accepted norms. In fact, the child may really suffer, and the fact that he does not want to go to kindergarten hides a serious problem.

Rough treatment

It's no secret that in modern child care institutions, children are not always calm and comfortable. Yes, maybe no one really offends them there, but affectionate treatment is not found everywhere. Teachers and nannies today are forced to work for a very modest salary, which is why they have problems Bad mood, which carries over to children. It can be very difficult to separate yourself from the situation where you are. Of course, there is no excuse for being rough with children. First of all, you need to save human face and dignity. Not all people can open their hearts to children, not everyone works according to their calling. Sometimes people who don’t like children go to work in kindergartens. A large number of Such employees cause anger and irritation in children every day. Who suffers from this? Of course, children! Now imagine that among the whole group your beloved child is there. Should a child, from an early age, endure disrespectful treatment and all sorts of insults? It's unfair! We, adults, force the child to go to kindergarten and endure various inconveniences there. And then we make lengthy speeches about how the child should see and receive all the best in life.

Moment of adaptation

If you just sent your baby to kindergarten, you should hardly be surprised that he cries there. After all, he has to change his usual environment, part with his mother for the whole day. Just think how scary it is! A home atmosphere warms and relaxes, while a foreign atmosphere is alarming and frightening. A child simply cannot feel comfortable and at ease in such a situation. Imagine that the most precious thing in life is taken away from you and forced to endure separation from your loved one for a long time. For a two to three year old child time is running much slower than for us. An hour of separation for him may seem like an eternity, an insurmountable obstacle. One can only guess what unprecedented suffering engulfs him when his mother strives to leave as quickly as possible.

Conflicts in the group

Children, like all other people, quarrel among themselves. Sometimes it is quite difficult for them to come to an agreement due to their age; they still do not know how to restrain their emotions. If your child does not want to go to the garden, there must be an explanation for this. The advice of other parents is unlikely to be useful, because everyone’s situation is purely individual. Conflicts in a group can unsettle, create a negative attitude towards kindergarten in general and create a persistent reluctance to go there. Need I say that children can sometimes be extremely cruel to each other? They do not tolerate the weak, are overly straightforward, and express their thoughts out loud without embarrassment. A delicate and domestic child will always be a little uncomfortable among those who do not mince words.

Lack of parental attention

Not all children are surrounded with sufficient love and attention. It's not that their parents don't care about them. It’s just that in modern reality it’s not always possible to find a free evening in order to communicate with your child, listen to him, and express your feelings. There is such a factor as a banal lack of time. Unfortunately, in modern society people sometimes work so hard that there is simply no time or energy left for anything else. Some parents work from dawn until night and do not have the opportunity to spend much time with their baby. As a result, the child himself suffers: he feels lonely and abandoned. Such a child may throw tantrums every morning and refuse to go to kindergarten.

What to do as parents

Of course, each of us wishes only the best for our precious offspring. No one wants to make a child suffer or bring him additional grief. There are so many moments in life that make us sad. What should caring mothers and fathers do? If it is impossible to shorten the working day, you will have to resort to tricks and come up with ways to spend longer with your baby. How can I make him cry less and go to kindergarten with pleasure? To achieve this goal, you need to take a few simple steps.

Dosed approach

It makes the most sense to accustom your baby to kindergarten gradually. Don't rush to part with him reception group. It is better to leave the house a few minutes earlier and spend more time with him than to rush, rush and offend the child even more. If only his mother knew how important this warm contact is for him, how he waits for her every evening after dinner! You should not leave your baby in the garden for a long time if he has not yet settled into the children's group or is not accustomed to the group regime. It is very stressful for a baby to be separated from his mother altogether, to be away from a loved one. You can sometimes notice how newly arrived children refuse to do anything with everyone else, cry and do not want to go to the group. Without a doubt, appetite and sleep suffer.

If your baby is going to kindergarten, try to introduce him to the group and the children in advance. There is nothing complicated in this action: first they leave him for no more than an hour in an unfamiliar environment, then gradually increase the time. This way the child will be able to quickly adapt to new conditions. When you can leave him for the whole day, he will already get used to it and will happily go play with his favorite toys.

Creating a calm environment

In order for a child to feel comfortable in the garden, it is necessary to make sure that at home he feels protected from everything in the world and understands that he is loved. Don’t be afraid to spoil your baby, speak kind words to him more often. If the baby refuses to go to the group with everyone else, pat him on the head and tell him that you will definitely pick him up in the evening. This will give him confidence and strength for the coming day, to spend it with benefit for himself. Going to kindergarten for a child is the same as going to school for an adult. workplace. Every day children are in a group that they cannot avoid, and they get very tired of each other. Sometimes it is enough to look at the child in the evening to understand this. The baby misses his parents and dreams only of being close to loved ones as soon as possible.

At home, the baby should feel comfortable and at ease. Try to expand his living space as much as possible so that he can move freely around the rooms. During the day he will accumulate energy that he wants to throw out. When children feel loved at home, they will be happy to go to kindergarten. This phenomenon is explained by the fact that a favorable atmosphere has a positive effect on the psyche.

Conflict resolution on time

Any difficulties that arise must be clarified in a timely manner. When grievances accumulate, it is difficult to maintain an adequate perception of the situation. People are often subject to misconceptions and illusions. What can we say about a small child who is just beginning to live? In kindergarten, children may quarrel with each other several times during the day, and this is completely normal. A child often worries about the unfair attitude of educators towards him. Be attentive to your child so as not to miss the first visible signs of trouble. If a child is often unfairly punished, be sure to find out why this is happening and stop all such attempts. A child should not tolerate insults from adults.

If you become aware that one of the children is hurting your baby, the matter should not be left to chance. Due to inaction, a child may think that everyone has abandoned him and that no one is interested in him. The first thing a caring parent should do is try to protect the child from attacks from the offender. When it comes to children, you need to be more subtle. Go pick up the baby yourself, do not entrust this important task to anyone. This is the only way you can see the true picture and take some steps. It happens that a son or daughter does not want to tell their mother about their social contacts. If a child is silent and does not share any experiences, this is not a good signal that should be taken into account.

Don't leave things to chance

It is much more convenient to pretend that you don’t notice anything, that nothing serious is happening. We all, to one degree or another, tend to justify our own inaction. People often serve false values ​​instead of correcting their mistakes. If you notice something strange in your child’s behavior, you should not hope that everything will go away on its own. The baby always needs help in everything. Preschool children will not achieve much success if their parents do not support them in new endeavors. Some children know how to hide their mistakes, but they do not do it as skillfully as adults. With kids you need to always be on guard so as not to miss important changes in the development of consciousness.

Trusting relationship

Many parents ask what helps establish better contact with your own child? The answer is so obvious that it will be clear to everyone: a trusting relationship. Children should feel that mom and dad will always accept their choice. The child wants to feel safe at home and is in great need of parental protection and care. He will “test” through his actions how much you love and accept him for who he is. Some parents cannot withstand such serious tests, they break down, clutch their heads, and do not know what to do. All this can be avoided if you know how to approach your own child. Who else, if not the parents, should know and understand him better than anyone?

The development and formation of higher trust is facilitated by joint walks, various activities and hobbies. Children should feel that adults understand and accept their individuality in everything. Try to set aside time to communicate with your baby and, if possible, devote at least two hours daily. On weekends you can take a walk in the park, participate in various competitions and attractions, go to the movies to watch a cartoon, and eat delicious ice cream. Children love surprises and various family events. This is the only way they feel loved and wanted in their own family.

Pay more attention

The child must know that the parent will always remain on his side, no matter what action he commits. This understanding is born from trust and is very valuable. Even if you have a lot of work to do and a disgruntled boss waiting for you on Monday, put all your problems out of your mind this weekend and try to focus as much as possible on interacting with your children. It is necessary to pay due attention to everyone, find an individual approach to both your son and daughter. You yourself will be pleased when you see the shining eyes of your heirs, their satisfied, happy faces. If you spend enough time with your kids and pay attention to them every day, there shouldn’t be any problems with going to kindergarten. Most often, children begin to suffer from a lack of parental attention. And when love and care are in abundance, all that remains is to fully enjoy life. In addition, by relaxing with your children, you yourself will be able to gain additional strength and recharge with the necessary energy.

Kindergarten to suit your taste

Today there are absolutely no restrictions in choice educational institutions. As a parent, you have a unique opportunity to decide which kindergarten to send your child to. Particularly demanding mom and dad can study all possible premises in advance in order to make their child’s stay within the walls of the child care facility as convenient and comfortable as possible. Whoever cares about the benefit and development of the child will stop at the very the best option. Nobody limits parents in choosing a kindergarten for their child. After all, it is so important to remain confident that he will be calm and comfortable there, just like at home. Take your baby for a few days and see what his reaction to the environment is. It is very possible that you will settle on some option that will suit you completely. If a child care facility is selected with love, and not at random, then the child will adapt much faster.

Thus, the problem when a child refuses to attend kindergarten has its solution. There is no need to yell at the baby, force him to go to the group by force, or influence him in any other negative way. You should always first try to understand the situation, understand what motivates your baby. It may very well be that having found the true cause of the difficulty that has arisen, you will want to radically change something and make the child’s life as joyful and happy as possible.