Why you need to take care of yourself. step

Hello everyone! I would like to ask a question to my readers? How would you rate your self-care efforts? In your opinion, do you devote enough time to “yourself”, pamper, entertain, and, ultimately, love. Perform an analysis using a ten-point system. If the result is less than 7 points, do you need to think and reconsider the current situation and take action to fully take care of yourself?

It's difficult to be a woman, especially in this day and age. I'm not saying it's easier for men. I'm just talking from my own perspective. We must be loving mothers, attentive wives, accomplished individuals. Agree, all this does not come at once, you need to work on it endlessly, give yourself and at the same time not forget about yourself, which, unfortunately, is very difficult.

I remember that in Soviet times, complete dedication was encouraged, no matter to your husband, children, or work. A position was promoted that completely destroyed a person as an individual. By at least, I think so. If, God forbid, you want to take time for yourself, sleep longer or take additional leave at your own expense to go to the sea - all this was equated with laziness and frivolity. I agree that work ennobles a person, gives him the opportunity to self-realize, but we should not forget about rest. Taking care of yourself is not selfish, it is a normal desire to be happy and healthy. And what's wrong with that? Look at young mothers... I was like that myself, I didn’t sleep at night, I looked like hell, I didn’t think about rest at all, because I was sure that I had to give myself to the child. full program! What nonsense! Who needs a tortured mother or wife? Children are happiness, and I will do everything for them, but this does not mean that you need to put a big, fat cross on yourself. The child will be much happier if there is a happy, healthy, adequate mother next to him.

Socialism and communism are gradually fading into the background, maybe this is for the better, or maybe for the worse, but I definitely understood that in modern world Taking time for yourself is an unaffordable luxury. Great opportunities, irresistible desires, aspirations to become successful and rich do not allow a person to love himself. There is not enough time for anything. As a result, health and psychological state are undermined, families are destroyed. Therefore, it is very important to maintain life balance in every area of ​​life.

What does the concept of “self-care” include?

Speaking this phrase, I don’t mean lying on the couch for a long time, watching TV series or going to beauty salons every day to get a chic hairstyle. This is a broad concept that covers several areas of life. For example:

All three points are inextricably linked with each other and cannot interact individually.

Body– our shell, which gives physical strength, allows us to perform the actions we want. When I talk about taking care of your body, I mean:

• (healthy eating, adherence to a regimen, cleansing the body)
• do physical exercise - running, walking more, other sports, or just doing exercises every day
• illness - listen to your body and take appropriate actions in time
• appearance– care for face, hair, nails, ability to dress for the occasion, comfortably and beautifully
• full-fledged

Soul– our inner world, mental health.

• hobby
• Reading books
• creation
• time alone with yourself
• trips
• shopping
• pleasure
• entertainment
• communication

Well, the last thing is mind which implies personal development:

• education
• self-realization
• planning
• success in business

What happens if you don't take care of yourself?

This main motivation, which should push you to action. And the question is quite broad. As you already understood, all three areas interact with each other. Pleasure can not only be physical, but also moral. You take a bath, while not only your body, but also your mind relaxes. Sport not only gives strength and endurance, but also affects emotions. Communication is not only a source of mental strength, but also knowledge. Those who do not know how to fully take care of themselves run the risk of constantly being depressed, earning many illnesses and losing their moral strength. I believe that every woman, especially a mother, should not allow herself to be brought to such a state.

For a family to be happy, for harmony and understanding to reign in it, the woman, the keeper of the family hearth, must be satisfied. I really like the idea Svetlana Goncharova, a family time management expert who has been helping women organize their lives for many years. So, she says that a woman is not the head, but the heart of the family. If mother and wife are happy, then both husband and children will be happy. I completely agree with this.

The inability to plan life, set goals and implement them threatens failure, decreased self-esteem, and dissatisfaction with oneself. Therefore, it is very important to study effective time management.

How to start taking care of yourself?

Step 1.

First of all, you need to put aside the feeling of self-pity, get rid of laziness and excuses, such as “no time, money, children don’t give, no opportunity,” and so on. You need to want to change yourself and your attitude towards yourself, truly love yourself and understand that no one else will do this but you.

Don't be a victim of circumstances, think proactively. And remember, only you are responsible for what happens to you, learn to admit mistakes and think ahead, asking yourself the right questions.

For example, instead of: “Why is all this happening to me?”, “Children don’t give me time to rest,” “My husband spends little time,” “I’m tired...”, you need to ask yourself questions: “What can I do? to change the situation”, “How can I organize my day to free up more free time?”, “How can I attract my husband’s attention?”, “How to take care of myself to feel healthy?”. As they say, all illnesses, failures and mistakes are in our heads.

Step 2.

The second step is to determine which areas of your life are most affected: body, soul, mind. Here are a few options on how you can correct the situation.

For body:

• Start falling asleep and...
• Drink more.
• Avoid junk food (fast food, smoked foods, etc.).
• Normalize your diet (eat often 4-5 times a day, but in small portions).
• Start playing sports, running or just doing gymnastics at home.
• Make an appointment with a doctor about your diseases, if you have them (dentist, gynecologist, therapist, endocrinologist, cosmetologist)
• Compose

For the soul:

Think about what you would like to do, what hobbies you are most interested in, how you like to relax. Plan a vacation with your family and husband, dedicate one day to this area every week. You don’t have to fly to Egypt for the weekend, you can just go to the cinema, spend the evening doing your favorite activity, embroidery, take a relaxing bath or read a book. Spend more time with your husband and children. Meet old friends.

For the mind:

• start learning (languages, trainings, courses, reading educational books)
• apply for a job
• self-realization in any area
• start your own blog and share your experience with like-minded people
• engage in self-development

There are many options to fill in the gaps. Each of us has our own problems and ways to solve them. But in order to bring them to life, you need to be able to:

• manage your time wisely
• do only the most important things
• do only what will lead you to your goal
• begin
• don't be shy to ask for help
• believe in yourself

Step 3.

AND last step is that you need to start acting, not tomorrow, not next week, but right now! Start small, take your time, don't get discouraged if you don't succeed. For example, you decide to go in for sports. Gradually increase your exercise time. There is no need to start with half an hour; at first, ten minutes will be enough. I think you understand what I want to tell you. You will succeed!

If you are a MOTHER and you need help in taking care of yourself, then I highly recommend this seminar called “Mom Full of Strength”. It's absolutely free! You can get it by clicking on the picture.

Psychologists and sociologists talk so often about the need to take care of yourself that the very concept of this care is becoming more and more blurred. Usually it means something that brings us pleasure. “You’re completely exhausted from work. It's time for you to take care of yourself. Do yoga. Take a walk, the weather is so good outside! Go to a beauty salon. Take a fragrant bath. Unwind!”

It is very important to pamper yourself from time to time. When you're feeling down, sometimes you literally need to force yourself to relax and have fun. Sometimes it feels like a bitter pill that you really don’t want to drink, even though it is necessary for recovery.

But are simply enjoyable activities always enough for us? In fact, the concept of self-care is much broader. And often it means not at all pleasant things. This concern is associated with working on oneself, with adult actions and complex decisions, for accepting which you can be condemned. But sooner or later you will understand that you cannot do without these decisions. So how can you take full care of yourself?

1. Take care of your body

Going to a place is a most unpleasant experience. Is there even one person on Earth who likes them? Many of us visit the dentist once every three years at best. And going to a gynecologist, urologist and similar delights is not even worth talking about.

The hardest time to force yourself to go to the doctor is when you are depressed or worried about something. The depressed part of you doesn't care that you might be sick. In fact, she doesn't care at all. In a state of anxiety, making an appointment is generally scary. What if they tell you there is something wrong with you? What if the nurse is rude to you? What if the doctor puts pressure on you? What if you have to go to the doctor alone for the rest of your life because you can't find your soulmate? Yes, it sounds stupid, but sometimes many of us have similar thoughts.

As you age, you gradually begin to question your invulnerability. You understand that you still have to catch some diseases.

In this regard, taking care of yourself means that you need to promptly contact your doctor when you feel that something is wrong with you, and also remember to make preventive visits to the doctor. Even if you consider yourself a superman and find it hard to admit that sometimes you need medical help.

2. Don't be afraid to say no.

Sometimes it can be very difficult. Especially if you are used to achieving your goals and doing everything carefully. It’s not easy to change a job that doesn’t suit you, to give up a difficult relationship, or to give a friend a dog that you don’t have enough time to care for. You have to admit that you are not coping and that something is beyond your capabilities. And this is extremely unpleasant.

When psychologists advise setting boundaries, avoiding overwhelming workloads, and not over-committing yourself, they seem to be talking about simple and obvious things. In fact, it’s not fun at all to explain to your boss why you’re increasingly taking time off “due to illness.” It's even less pleasant to finally admit that you can't handle a full-time job and leave your current position.

It is important to understand that sometimes, in order to take care of yourself, you need to ignore the possible negative assessment of others and realize what you need.

Yes, you may feel weak, lazy and irresponsible. But deep down you will know that you are doing the right thing. And over time, you will only be convinced that you made the right choice.

3. Ask for help

Often, in order to ask someone for help, you need to overcome your fears and get out of it. It's really not that simple. You can never accurately predict other people's reactions. They have the right to refuse you.

And even if you have great relationships with family and friends, asking for help is still not easy. You'll worry about whether you'll make your parents worry about you, or whether your depression will spread to your friends. Or people close to you may feel that their care and love is not enough for you, that they are doing something wrong. It may seem like you have to choose between silently enduring your pain and causing pain to others.

But this is a mistaken opinion. Your loved ones will worry much more if you hide the reasons for your worries from them. Yes, you need to learn the art of asking for help correctly. But if you try it, you will realize that it's really not that scary.

4. Work on your relationships

Sometimes this is also necessary to take care of yourself. Working on relationships means honestly and openly telling your loved ones what you need, what you want and what you don’t want. Additionally, you should make every effort to support the people you love and show them your love.

Even if you're depressed and literally don't care about anyone or anything, that doesn't make you the center of the universe or give you the right to act like a complete asshole.

Take care of your loved ones, because these are the people who care about you.

5. Don't forget about financial issues

Everything here is simple and clear. Pay your bills. Sometimes finance is very difficult to start. Especially if you can’t pull yourself together in other matters. Sometimes it can be scary to even check the status of your bank account, because then you will judge yourself for how much money you spent on useless things or lunches at a cafe.

Find a way to track your expenses. If you are confident that you have enough money for everything you need, then you will feel much more confident.

If you can do all of the above, you can be proud of yourself. At some points in our lives, taking care of ourselves in these less-than-pleasant ways is especially challenging. But you can do it.

When a serious accident suddenly occurs on an airplane at high altitude, the cabin becomes depressurized. In this case, passengers have only 15–20 seconds left to put on an oxygen mask.

Flight attendants always warn in advance that in any case you should put a mask on yourself first, and only then help others. If you do not have time to protect yourself in the allotted time, you will simply lose consciousness and die.

If you take care of yourself first, your chances of helping your family and loved ones survive will increase significantly. If you try to save them first, there is a high probability that no one will survive at all.

This is not a matter of heroism, but of ordinary common sense. For example, your child may begin to ask questions about what is happening around him, why he is wearing a mask at all, why it is that color, why it is hanging from the ceiling, and so on. If he sees that the mask is already on you, then, most likely, he will simply repeat the same thing.

Or imagine another situation: to keep yourself in good shape, you regularly visit. Suddenly, your loved one is hospitalized with a serious injury, and you drop everything you are doing to be with him around the clock. You take care of the victim, giving him your all free time and neglecting the need to monitor your health too.

During all those months while your loved one is fighting the disease, you manage to lose weight beyond recognition, ruin your stomach with constant dry food, and on top of all this, you experience constant nervous tension.

There comes a time when you make a very unexpected but correct decision - to start playing sports again. It would seem, why? Because you have neglected your health for a long time. Because the illness of a loved one is not a reason to give up on yourself. Because you understand that taking care of yourself and caring for your loved ones are not mutually exclusive concepts.

There is a very fine line between being overprotective and just being helpful. Sometimes we only care about someone else because we are afraid with ourselves.

When we see someone with more serious problems than ours, we immediately turn to them. We allow ourselves to spit on our own difficulties only because we are too lazy and cowardly. We constantly put things off. People are very inventive and always find millions of reasons not to do anything. Sometimes these reasons are really strange. Here’s one of my favorites: a person creates a bunch of non-existent problems for himself in order to distract himself from the most important and unpleasant ones.

Joe Rogan, American stand-up comedian

In addition to switching to the problems of others in the hope of escaping from their own, people often go to the other extreme -. How tempting it is to throw yourself into work and not notice anything around you! Yes, this is often very, very pleasant, especially for those who are truly passionate about their work.

We take overtime, stay late at the office, start working on weekends, agree to replace a sick colleague, just so that there is no time left for anything else. Do you feel like something is unclean here? The way it is. We try to hide from problems we don't want to deal with. From problems that we are truly afraid of, ashamed of and avoid. From those problems that are truly important. From my own problems.

If you are tired of being inactive, hiding from difficulties and caring about everyone but yourself, then remember a few basic rules.

• Do something every day that brings you joy and pleasure. Go to the gym if you like it. Read books. Sing, draw, eat sweets. All these little rewards will help you avoid getting emotional. If you are a creative or public person who constantly does things for others, then do something that will benefit only you and no one else.
• Take care of yourself. Broaden your horizons, finally understand what you want from this life, what goal you are striving for. Understand that no one but you can do this. Stop neglecting your interests and find your source of inspiration. For example, read the biography of a person you consider worthy of imitation and praise.
• Learn to take a break and stop overtiring. Give your brain breaks during which you simply allow yourself not to think about anything. This is where yoga or meditation can help you a lot.

We cannot share with others what we do not have ourselves.

Whitney Cummings, American screenwriter and producer

It is much easier to give friends and family joy, support and inspiration when we have it within ourselves. That's why you need to take care of yourself first.

What exactly is self-care? Is it a mandatory weekly massage, bath, manicure, pedicure, etc.? Not really. When I wrote the article “self-care”, I talked about general basic principles. But over time, the understanding came that self-care is a deeper concept than just going to the spa.

Self-care is when you enjoy doing things for yourself. Love is a must. Otherwise, all this makes no sense.

I love the bathhouse very much, and it’s always a pleasure for me to go there. This is how I make myself happy. I'm filling it up. I take care of myself. But, for example, my friend does not like bathhouses in any form. But everywhere they write that the bathhouse is useful, but it’s so important to take care of yourself, to fill yourself up. What if there is no joy in this? Will this really fill a woman with strength?

But I don’t like floating at all. Or a solarium. Or a manicure with gel polish. I won't do this because it doesn't bring me any joy personally. And it doesn’t matter what the whole world thinks about it.

This is self-care.

There is one more nuance. For example, getting a pedicure or massage from a grumpy master. Can this be called self-care? Theoretically yes, because everyone sees the result of what you did. But the process itself is far from true self-care. I went for a massage, took care of myself nominally, but in fact? No, you need to be very picky about this. I am sure that taking care of yourself means going to a good master with good energy.

Every woman needs to fill herself, but for this she needs to know herself very well. Know what you love, and also realize that some things do not bring any joy.

What self-care means to me:

Drink a cup of chamomile tea alone;

Do revitonics exercises in the morning;

Write three pages of text by hand;

Walk for half an hour, in any weather. Definitely one;

Give yourself a bath with salt;

Buy just for yourself, your personal ceramic mug self made and don’t give it to anyone;

To write an article;

Watch a black and white movie;

Take a walk on the beach;

Go on a creative date;

Swing on a swing;

Go to the bathhouse;

Go to the forest;

Sit by the fire;

Get a manicure and pedicure;

Get a facial massage from your favorite therapist;

Get enough sleep when you want;

Get up early to create something;

Make a hair mask;

Do abhyanga massage at home;

Make a face mask;

Feed yourself something tasty;

Go to a good hairdresser;

Drink clean water;

Breastfeed;

Buy yourself an Arabic perfume without alcohol;

Apply coconut oil;

Listen to your favorite music;

Hugging with loved ones and family;

Dance;

Meet a loved one;

Go on a trip, because otherwise your life will stagnate.

This is all about self-care. And this list goes on and on.

We are different

No general rules about how every woman needs to take care of herself. Because we are all different. We have different life goals and dreams, and our own unique view of the world.

Doing what is customary to do to look good, fashionable or prestigious is in no way related to self-care.

Therefore, please take care of yourself the way you personally like, and not the way someone else does. Make your own own list what will be self-care for you personally. This will be your list only, reflecting you and not anyone else.

Take some time for yourself, sit down and write down 100 things and activities that you personally love with all your heart. You can take any point and start applying it. It doesn't matter in what order, but do it regularly. In small steps, gradually discover the real you.

You don't owe anyone anything.

Yes, self-care gives a woman a lot when she does it out of self-love, and not because “that’s what all normal women do.”

Let's face it - we all do it sometimes. We eat a cake after a particularly difficult day, give ourselves a small nice gift after finishing a project at work, take a hot bath with aromatic salts in the evening, or order ourselves a massage...

In a word, all people sometimes like to “pamper themselves,” and there can be many options for such “pampering.” Pleasant little things can concern physical relaxation, or receiving intellectual pleasure, these can be tiny positive events or long-planned rewards for work done.

Most people use positive self-reinforcement without knowing it: “I’ll clean the apartment and then I’ll be able to take a bath,” “I’ll finish the report and eat some chocolate,” etc. It's so nice to treat yourself sometimes - especially for a job well done. Besides, doing something nice for yourself is a sign of caring, isn’t it? Many people think something like this: “Well, yes, that’s right, taking a bubble bath promotes relaxation, it’s a great way to renew your strength after exhausting work. Now I’ll take a miraculous bath, and you can be calm - I’m taking care of myself.” But is this really so? Are these little bits of “self-pampering” a sign of true self-care?

Unfortunately, in most cases, this type of self-care is just a way to plug holes. When a person works “to the limit”, does not spare himself, neglects a healthy way of life, he becomes like a leaky Lada. And cakes and relaxing baths become only a way to temporarily hide these holes. Similar methods“self-pampering” is more like a short vacation that a person takes when he is terribly exhausted and wants to escape reality. This is not a real manifestation of caring, but only “ ambulance» to a person tired of reality.

IN Lately care began to be viewed from a completely unusual angle - as type of consumerism as a consumer trend. Buy yourself a super-healthy face mask, post a message about it on social networks... Or buy some special cereals that are supposedly healthy, and post a photo with them on Instagram... It’s all the same “self-pampering”, only built into beautiful frame consumerism. “Care” has become a new type of product that can bring short-term pleasure, but how much benefit such products can bring is a separate question.

What then can be considered true self-care?

True care is a mother's care for her child. This is a concern that ensures health, comfort and safety. This is care whose goal is to make the child’s life better and better. This care is not a blind indulgence of all the child’s desires, because the fulfillment of some desires does not always benefit the child. And most importantly, this care must be constant and continuous, systematic and holistic.

Of course, a person cannot remain a child relying on maternal care all his life. However, this does not mean that the opportunity to provide oneself with true care is lost. A lifestyle aimed at constantly maintaining health, realizing one’s potential, one’s dreams, maintaining a balance in work and leisure is true self-care. Adopting this lifestyle is hard work, but the cost of effort does not seem so high compared to the health, happiness and inner harmony received in return.

By taking responsibility for one's own health and well-being, and taking constant care of oneself, a person simultaneously becomes an adequate Parent for himself and behaves like an Adult. This means that a person begins to create his life in such a way that the need to run away from it does not even appear, and begins to take care of himself in the long term.

How to start show genuine concern to yourself? First you need to remember three basic rules:

In addition to following these rules, you also need to understand what exactly needs to be done and how to show this concern. Thus, a person who has begun to show true self-care necessary :

• Deal with your desires, separate what is truly significant for you from what is unimportant. Accept that some desires are not destined to be satisfied. Understand which desires are really worth the effort to achieve them. Turn important desires into goals, and then begin your journey to achieve those goals;
• Allow yourself to be yourself, do not copy other people and do not try to achieve fictitious social standards. If you properly understand your desires, understand what you really want, permission to “be yourself” will be given without difficulty;
• Deal with your psychological problems and anxiety. In order to change your life for the better, you will have to thoroughly “poison your cockroaches” - you can’t drag old problems into a new beautiful life;
• Stop being a victim in your life. The victim's position is always an attempt to shift responsibility for one's failures onto someone else. While showing true care is always a great responsibility, it is a burden that can only be carried by an adult who is the master of his life and takes responsibility for it into his own hands.

In addition to all of the above, there are always “small benefits” that you can always start doing for yourself and thereby improve the quality of your life:

• Healthy and balanced diet;
• Healthy sleep (an adult needs to sleep 7-8 hours a day for normal functioning);
• Playing sports (or at least doing light morning exercises - it helps to cheer up in the morning and fill yourself with energy for the day);
• Healthy communication and pleasant time with loved ones and friends will also help recharge your batteries and lift your spirits;
• Every day you can do something pleasant and useful for yourself - for example, read ten pages of a fiction book before going to bed, or listen to music before going to work. All this can improve your mood and make your daily life a little better.

You can start the great journey of self-care with something small - give yourself ten minutes a day. It seems like a mere trifle, but in fact, even such a trifle can improve your well-being and improve your quality of life. And then, along with life experience, will come the ability to properly take care of yourself and get true pleasure from life.