According to American psychologist Harriet Lerner, aggression is a way of expressing anger. Even the meekest person cannot claim to be free from it, because it is an evolutionary survival mechanism. In reasonable doses, aggression is necessary to take traffic jams, burning projects and uncooperative partners by storm. But there are forms of it that are difficult to identify, and therefore difficult to overcome. Of these, passive aggression is the most subtle and destructive. Often, spouses use passive-aggressive behavior to avoid short-term conflict. But in the long run, its consequences can be more destructive to a marriage than the expression of direct aggression.

The word "passive" in Latin means "suffering." “Passive aggression really hits its source no less than the one at whom it is directed,” says Galina Turetskaya, a candidate of psychological sciences and a practicing coach in the field of creating relationships. “It becomes the basis for many fears: fear of dependence on relationships, fear of being rejected, intimophobia (fear of emotional intimacy), fear of facing one’s own and other people’s emotions.” This gives rise to a defensive reaction: emotional distancing, avoidance of intimacy in relationships. When a child is scared, he cries, screams, runs away, hides. An adult does almost the same thing, only he puts it in “decent” forms: he avoids communication, forgets, does not participate in relationships under plausible pretexts, hangs up a sign “I’ve gone into myself, I won’t be back soon.” And if in social situations (at work, in the company of friends) you can still turn a blind eye to this, then in personal relationships such behavior hurts both - the partner who does not understand anything, and the aggressor himself. This is similar to the uprising of robots: against the will, an autopilot turns on in the human mind, which knows only one program - to avoid, but in such a way as not to look guilty.

DESIRE PLUS FEAR

“You can’t rely on my husband: he promises to do something, and then puts it off for a long time, invents reasons, and lets everything take its course. It’s easier to pick up the suit from the dry cleaner yourself, although he promised to do it on the way.

And to me - extra hour with an uncomfortable cover in public transport. And so in everything! — Larisa shares (32). “When too many little things like this accumulate, I explode and scream. And in vain, because he didn’t seem to do anything like that - I myself didn’t wait for his help. I feel ashamed for being hysterical. But I want to make a scandal, because time passes and nothing changes.”

First of all, it is important to understand: anger, powerlessness, and guilt are the most common reactions of women in relationships with a passive aggressor. Remember that you are also a person and have the right to emotions. By suppressing anger, you risk becoming the same passive aggressor as he is. “Don’t lead to an explosion: when faced with something that doesn’t suit you, immediately express your reaction honestly and openly - then you can do it calmly. Formulate the problem and state it. And then offer solutions that are convenient for you,” advises Galina Turetskaya.

The passive aggressor also wants intimacy, but the fear of becoming dependent is stronger than the need for love. Desire plus fear is the formula for inaction. "Won't lead to good result neither reciprocal ignoring (scattering to different corners), nor irritation, nor showing increased concern, says the psychologist. “It’s important to maintain calm and a positive attitude, showing with your appearance: I’m ready for dialogue, but you’ll have to take a step.” After all, an active position is exactly what the partner is so afraid of.” Is the suit dry cleaned? Let him wait there in the wings. Try to make an effort on yourself and not take responsibility that has been transferred to you, do not fulfill his promises for your partner. Try to be calm about his excuses, don’t try to catch him in a lie - he could actually be late at work. But even if he sat there until the bitter end, just not to go to the cinema, as you agreed, the excuses are still the best possible for him in this moment. Over time, as the partner gains experience actively participating in the relationship, he will be able to take on more responsibility.

MASCILITY TEST

Psychoanalyst and genetic psychology specialist Dmitry Kalinsky notes: at least 70% of men show passive aggression. But women also suffer from this “disease”. After all, society instructs us to be soft and non-conflict. Under pressure from the stereotype of femininity or fear of losing a relationship, aggression takes hidden forms.
“Ivan and I have been dating for several months, and I would really like this relationship to develop into marriage,” admits Marina (27). “But sometimes I feel like he doesn’t understand me.” Recently, knowing that I was working at home, I arrived unannounced with flowers and sweets. I couldn’t explain that I couldn’t give him time, that he showed up at the wrong time and was distracting me. She took the bouquet over the threshold and excused herself with urgent work. For some reason he was offended.” If a man behaved incorrectly, open war could be declared against him. But he shows care, attention, demonstrates a desire to be close - there’s nothing to complain about! Then the tools of hidden aggression are used, including tests for real men.
How often at the beginning of a relationship do you give your partner “lice checks”, as if specifically demonstrating your worst sides - capriciousness, irritability, games of silence, nagging with or without reason. All of these are also forms of passive aggression, but of a slightly different kind. The subconscious signal of this behavior is: “Love me like this - and then I will believe that you really love me.” But you cannot control the line beyond which slight female bitchiness develops into aggression. It’s good if your hero turns out to be experienced and patient enough to go through the probationary period. And if not, you will soon turn into two disappointed people who still do not understand who is to blame and what it was. The best thing in such a situation is to consult a psychologist to understand the reasons and eliminate mistrust in the man.

DO YOU TRUST ME?

“Once I had a serious conflict at work,” recalls Evgenia (29). — My boyfriend called and asked how I was feeling, began to console me, and advised me something. The more he talked, the angrier I became. Later I sent him a text saying that I felt bad, I would go to my parents for a while, and when I returned, I would call back. I was waiting for my beloved to rush after me, to feel sorry for me, to hug me. But he didn't. A few days later I dialed his number and heard an aloof “Hello”. The old warmth has disappeared somewhere, we have moved away from each other.”

The main effect of passive aggression is a lack of trust in the partner. Every time he wants to show his feelings, you slip away, prevaricate. The beloved “catches the air with his hands.” And this is what causes the most irritation. If it were possible to have a heart-to-heart talk with the passive aggressor, it would become clear that he himself is not happy with this development of the relationship. Why is he doing this? Gestalt therapist Natalya Kundryukova explains: “To avoid even greater suffering. In many cases, this pattern (an unconsciously repeated pattern of behavior) is formed in childhood. As a rule, in the first days and months of life, the child for some reason failed to form an emotional connection with a significant adult. For example, the mother could not hold him in her arms immediately after birth, could not breastfeed, or went to work early.” The baby lacked emotional and physical contact; the basic need was not satisfied. That is why, in adulthood, when trying to form close relationships, such a person unconsciously repeats his traumatic experience. Simultaneously with the desire to get closer, to receive attention and support, he experiences fear of rejection and shame for experiencing these desires. Instead of taking a step forward, asking for help and receiving it, he begins to prevaricate.

According to Natalya Kundryukova, it is necessary to realize and live the rejection received in early childhood. Unfortunately, it is impossible to do this on your own, without the help of a therapist. It is important for a person suffering from passive aggression to understand: this type of behavior destroys both relationships with dear people and his own body. Probably the best solution is to accumulate resources (determination, hope and money) and try to work with a psychologist in the format of individual consultations. Internal pain and mistrust can be experienced. Or you will have to choose a safe distance in the relationship and give up the idea of ​​intimacy.

How to recognize a passive aggressor

Puts things off until later until it is too late.

Does not keep promises, “forgets” about agreements, avoids emotional intimacy.

Denies, turns everything upside down, making the partner guilty.

Expresses his position unclearly and confuses his tracks.

Doesn't show attention: doesn't call, doesn't write SMS.

Sends conflicting signals: for example, he talks about love, but acts in such a way that you suspect the opposite.

Never apologizes.

4 Strategies for Effectively Dealing with a Passive Aggressor from Signe Whitson, author of The Evil Smile:

psychology of passive-aggressive behavior in the family and at work":

1 Recognize signals passively aggressive behavior in advance: procrastination, ignoring, keeping silent, avoiding discussing the problem, gossip.

2 Don't give in to provocations. The subconscious goal of a passive aggressive person is to make you angry. If you feel yourself starting to boil, try calmly expressing your negativity: “I won’t shout because it will only make the situation worse.”

3 Point out to the passive aggressor the anger he is experiencing - such people ignore this particular emotion. Your opinion must be supported by a specific fact: “I think you are angry with me now because I asked you to do this.”

TEXT: Galina Turova

Passive aggressiveness is an indirect expression of anger in which the person is trying to upset or hurt you in a less obvious way. The difficulty is that it is easy for such a person to deny the presence of bad intentions. People tend to engage in passive-aggressive behavior because they do not know how to handle conflict properly. However, there are ways to help such a person become aware of their own behavior and solve the problem of passive aggression through communication.

Steps

Part 1

How to recognize passive-aggressive behavior

Get to know the signs. The insidious nature of passive aggression lies in the fact that a person can plausibly deny such behavior. In response to your accusations, he may say that he does not understand what you are talking about, or accuse you of overreacting. Always trust your feelings and learn to recognize passive aggression.

Make sure you don't exaggerate. It may seem that the person is trying to annoy you, but it is also possible that you are simply overly suspicious and take everything personally. Rate yours weak spots- In the past, have you often come across people who make your life difficult? Is this person like them? Do you assume he behaves the same way?

Pay attention to the feelings the person makes you feel. When interacting with a passive-aggressive person, you may feel frustrated, angry, and even despair. It may seem as if you simply cannot please the person, no matter what you say or do.

• You may be hurt by the fact that you are on the receiving end of passive-aggressive behavior. For example, a person may organize a silent boycott of you.
• You may be confused by the fact that a person constantly complains but does nothing to improve the situation. Follow your instincts.
• Being around such a person can make you tired or drained as you expend too much energy dealing with the passive-aggressive behavior.

Part 2

Responding to Passive-Aggressive Behavior

1. Always maintain a positive attitude. The power of positive thinking helps you cope everyday affairs. People with passive-aggressive behavior will try to drag you into a vortex of negativity. Sometimes they try to provoke a negative reaction in order to shift their attention to you in response and appear as if they are not to blame. Don't let this happen.

   • Stay positive so you don't stoop to their level. Don't give such people a reason. Don't insult them, don't shout or get angry. By remaining calm, you will be in a better position to shift your attention to their actions rather than your own. Getting angry will only distract attention from the real problems.
   • Model positive behavior. When communicating with children and adults, respond to your conflicts so that others know how to interact with you. Passive aggression gives off emotions, hiding them behind a mask of indifference. Instead, be open, honest, and directly express your emotions. When faced with passive-aggressive behavior such as conspicuous silence, direct the conversation in a productive direction.

2. Always remain calm. If you are upset, then do not rush to make decisions and first calm down (walk, turn on music and dance, solve a crossword puzzle), and then decide what you want to get from this situation, that is, what reasonable outcome you can reconcile with.

   • Control your emotions, especially anger. Don't directly accuse people of being passive aggressive; this will only allow them to deny everything and accuse you of making a big deal, being overly sensitive, or being suspicious.
   • Do not lose your temper under any circumstances. Don't let the person know that he or she was able to take you out. This will only reinforce their behavior and it will happen again.
   • Refrain from retaliating with anger or other emotionally charged reactions. This way you will take control of the situation and will appear as someone who cannot be pushed around.

3. Start a conversation about the problem. As long as you maintain emotional resilience, self-respect and calm, it is best to simply express how you see the situation. For example: “I could be wrong, but I’m guessing you were upset that Dima wasn’t invited to the party. Let's discuss this?

   • Be direct and to the point. If you express your thoughts unclearly and speak in general phrases, then a person with passive-aggressive behavior can easily twist what was said. If you are going to confront such a person, it is better to speak out directly.
   • The danger of confrontation is generated by the possibility of freely interpreting phrases like “You’re back to your old ways!” This way you won’t get anywhere; it’s better to immediately talk about a specific action. So, if you are annoyed by a silent boycott, then give an example of a specific case when it took place.

4. The person must realize that he is upset. You don't have to escalate the situation, but remain firm and say, “You seem really upset right now,” or “It sounds like something is bothering you.”

Part 3

How to Protect yourself from Passive-Aggressive Behavior

Set boundaries for these people. You certainly don't want to incite confrontation, but you also don't want to become a punching bag for passive-aggressive people. This is a form of abuse that can harm you. You have every right set boundaries.

• A common mistake is being too soft. By giving in to passive-aggressive behavior, you lose control of the situation. This is a kind of power confrontation. It is possible to remain calm and positive, but still remain strong and firm in your decisions.
• Respect established boundaries. Make it clear that you will not tolerate mistreatment. If a person is constantly late and makes you nervous, then tell him that the next time he is late, you will simply go to the cinema without him. This is one way of saying that you are not going to pay for someone else's behavior.

1. Find and address the root of the problem. The best way To cope with such anger is to evaluate all prospects as early as possible. To do this, you need to understand the root cause of anger.

   • If such a person is not characterized by angry behavior, then talk with mutual friends who may know the reason and recognize the signs of incipient anger in time.
   • Dig deeper and fairly evaluate the reasons driving this behavior. Passive aggression is usually a symptom of other problems.

2. Learn assertive communication. Communication can be aggressive, passive, or passive-aggressive. The productivity of all these types is inferior to assertive communication.

3. Understand when it's best to avoid meeting a person completely. If a person regularly engages in passive-aggressive behavior, then it is obviously best to stop communicating with him. Your well-being is more important.

   • Find ways to see such a person as little as possible and not be alone. Always be part of a team.
   • If such people only carry negative energy, then think twice about whether it’s worth communicating with them at all.

4. Don't share information that could be used against you. Don't tell passive-aggressive people personal information, your emotions and thoughts.

   • Such people may ask questions that at first glance seem innocent and without malicious intent. You can answer them, but don't go into detail. Be friendly, but keep your answers short and vague.
   • Avoid talking about your feelings and weaknesses. Passive-aggressive individuals often remember such details, even those mentioned in passing, and later use them against you.

5. Contact a mediator for help. This should be an objective third party representative from HR, a close (but objective) relative, or mutual friend. The key is to use someone who not only you, but also your passive-aggressive interlocutor trusts.

   • Before meeting with the mediator, tell him or her about your concerns. Try to look at the situation from someone else's point of view and understand what gives rise to anger. Avoid being judgmental and try to understand the reasons behind the repulsive behavior in a situation where you are trying to help.
   • In a one-on-one conversation, you run the risk of hearing, “Come on, it's just a joke,” or “You're overreacting.” This is why it is better to involve a third party.

6. Communicate consequences if the person does not change behavior. Because passive-aggressive individuals are secretive, they almost always resist attempts to change their behavior. Denials, excuses and turning the arrows are just a few of the patterns.

   • Regardless of the answer, state what you intend to do. It is important to provide one or two firm consequences to encourage such a person to reconsider his behavior.
   • The ability to understand and outline consequences is one of the most effective ways get the passive-aggressive person to “give in.” Properly communicated consequences will stop a difficult person and may change his or her reluctance to cooperate.

7. Reinforce appropriate behavior. In the context of behavioral psychology, reinforcement refers to something you do or give to a person after they have engaged in a particular behavior. The purpose of reinforcement is to increase the frequency of the behavior.

   • This may mean a reward for good behavior that needs to be maintained, or a punishment for bad behavior that needs to be eliminated. Positive reinforcement is not the easiest of tasks because negative behavior is more noticeable than positive behavior. Always try to review good behavior so you don't miss an opportunity to reinforce it.
   • For example, if a passive-aggressive person opens up and honestly voices his feelings (“I feel like you’re being this way to me on purpose!”), then that’s a great sign! Reinforce this behavior with the following words: “Thank you for sharing with me. I really appreciate that you can tell me how you feel.”
   • This will attract positive attention to good behavior and allow you to recognize emotions. Now you can try to start an open dialogue.
• If you find fault, grumble and get angry, you will only fuel the conflict and give the person more excuses and reasons not to admit responsibility.
• By accepting this behavior or accepting someone else's responsibility, you are enabling and encouraging passive-aggressive behavior.
• People who engage in this behavior often feel proud of their ability to control their emotions.

Even if you have not heard of such a term as passive aggression, you have probably encountered this phenomenon. Moreover, many of us behave like passive aggressors from time to time. However, for some this is a one-time, situational behavior, for others it is “ basic model" We suggest you figure it out What is passive aggression and how to resist those who use it on us.

In this article, we will understand by passive aggressors those who often resort to such behavior– in life in general or in specific situations / when interacting with specific people.

In relation to other people

Let's imagine a person who feels anger, hostility, anger, resentment towards someone, but cannot or does not want to express feelings openly. However, he still considers it necessary to demonstrate his negative attitude - so that outwardly it does not violate social, public, ethical norms, but eloquently conveyed his feelings and emotions.

And there are various means for this. The most common example is a “well-chosen” gift (say, a passive aggressor knows that a person he doesn’t like is on a diet, but still gives sweets; for a vegetarian he will buy a barbecue set, and for a person with bad teeth - nuts). Deliberate delays at work can be used (but so that formal disciplinary measures cannot be tried), actively imposing one’s opinion under the guise of concern (typical of tense relationships within the family, especially in mother-in-law-son-in-law, mother-in-law-daughter-in-law pairs) and other options . All this is manifestations of passive-aggressive behavior patterns.

Its main feature is that with outwardly positive or neutral behavior, a person hurts, offends, irritates or otherwise negatively affects the person against whom this attitude sent . This is precisely the meaning of passive aggression - to annoy, cause anger, retaliatory aggression, etc., but formally look as if he had absolutely nothing to do with it. From the outside, it looks like the aggressor is white and fluffy, and his counterpart starts a conflict, is overly nervous and reacts violently to everything.

It is necessary to distinguish manifestations of passive aggression from people who are very intrusive in their care or simply tactless. The main difference is that the goal of the aggressor is to annoy and anger. Whereas caring/tactless people do not set such a task for themselves.

In relation to any matter

Passive aggression can concern not only the “unpleasant person”, but also "unpleasant business"(both at work and in personal life). Here, too, we may encounter delays in deadlines, the fact that the task will not be done at all (under some plausible pretext) or done carelessly, for show.
In such cases, the task is often procrastinated until the very last moment, and then completed at a very fast pace or not completed at all.

Sometimes the aggressors initially they know that they will not do anything or will do it, but carelessly, however, for one reason or another, they cannot and do not want to say this directly. Here, the manifestation of passive aggression towards a person for whom our hero, in principle, may not experience negative feelings, is associated with the very fact that such a task was set.

Such passive-aggressive manifestations occur throughout life. much more often, and even a person who does not usually resort to such a model can use it. For example, when he was given an ultimatum to work overtime or when distant acquaintances made inappropriate requests.

In general, passive aggression is manifestation of infantile behavior. Sometimes a person is [sort of] forced to resort to this method because decency does not allow doing otherwise - because of subordination, because you don’t want to completely ruin the relationship, because the aggressor realizes that other people are right, but still feels annoyed and irritated. For example, a person may have a lot of work to do, but a colleague reminds him of a presentation that was due a week ago. Formally, our hero understands that his colleague has nothing to do with it, but still gets angry with him and makes a presentation for show.

There are people who constantly resort to this pattern of expressing emotions and actually learn it from childhood. This may also be due to the fact that a person strives with all his might avoid direct conflict, because he cannot or does not know how to behave in this case. The aggressor, as a rule, hopes that his “sneaky pokes”, formally expressed in a socially acceptable form, will not lead to open conflict and
therefore, he chooses this form of expression of emotions.

Sometimes people actually not used to / afraid to show feelings openly. As a rule, this behavior is reinforced by parents in childhood, denying the right of their son or daughter to show emotions, saying that it is wrong, or even punishing them for them. Example - when a child gets angry or cries, they answer him “Well, you’re so upset, it’s still good,” “Well, now you’ve stopped crying,” “Don’t throw tantrums, there’s nothing like that here,” etc. If parents too often shut up the child in this way, without delving into his problem, the little person develops an attitude: feelings cannot be shown openly. But this by itself does not make them go away, so the child gets used to expressing them in a veiled manner. In adulthood, the aggressor, as it were, forces his opponent to start an open conflict instead of himself - but when it is started (not by our hero), it is already possible to show feelings openly.

Be that as it may, mature, self-sufficient individuals do not resort to passive aggression towards other people.

How to resist a passive aggressor?

Communication with a passive aggressor (if his behavior is directed in your direction) is usually associated with negative emotions, and often you also cannot express them openly - due to the same rules of decency or subordination that “forced” the aggressor to resort to his models. And sometimes the whole point is that formally no one has done anything bad to you and there seems to be nothing to conflict about. Nevertheless, the weight of communication hangs over and becomes a source of irritation and other negative emotions. Here are some tips on how to deal with passive aggression.

Exploring your tendencies

Every person by nature or predominantly passive or predominantly aggressive. This predisposition is similar computer characteristic, called "default", i.e. programmed to automatic selection a certain option until it is changed by a conscious decision. Let us consider in more detail the manifestations of this phenomenon.

Types of behavior

Both passive and aggressive types of behavior have distinctive characteristics. In order to gain self-confidence, you need to understand the differences between them.

Passive type of behavior

A person prone to passive type behavior, tends to suppress his desires, not to use freedom of choice. He usually submits to the will of others and does not defend his own interests.

For the most part, passive people try to avoid unpleasant situations, but when faced with aggressive behavior, they can become unbalanced. In response to aggression, behavior due to fear of aggravating the situation of a passive person, as a rule, becomes even more passive.

Communicating with such a person can be difficult, because others do not understand what he really wants. For example, to the question “What will you drink, tea or coffee?” he usually answers, “I don’t care.” People prone to passive behavior believe that inertia is the best fit for their desire to avoid solving problems and avoid disputes. Anything that is not a priority task seems too insignificant to them and is not worth the effort in their opinion.

Aggressive type of behavior

A person prone to aggressive type behavior, irritable, without hesitation entering into conflict if something goes against his plans. Aggressive behavior fuels his energy and assertiveness, but is usually perceived negatively by others. He may get his way, but at too high a cost, or he may achieve nothing because others, feeling that they are being looked down upon, usually refuse to cooperate with him.

The difficulty of communicating with an aggressive person can be explained by the fact that others do not always understand that his aggression is not directed against them personally, but to achieve a goal. The dissatisfaction of the “aggressor” is too noticeable, because his behavior is characterized by lack of restraint. It seems to him that absolutely everything, even the most insignificant situations, requires his energetic intervention.

One of the ways to become more self-confident is to change the behavior patterns inherent in nature. You will say that the acquired behavior will look unnatural in the eyes of others, because it is not typical of your nature. But in any case, it will remain within the limits of the temperament given to you by nature - passive or aggressive.

Behavior adjustment

Predisposition to a particular type of behavior can be adjusted by strengthening or weakening certain character traits. As a result of such correction, assertiveness arises - firm self-confidence with a sense of self-esteem.

To do this, you need very little - to improve your involuntary reactions and inclinations. The newly acquired behavior will operate as follows.

Passivity turning into assertiveness

People who tend to be passive will find that there is no need to go against their nature. All they need is to be stronger, stop worrying about what others think, and speak up about their wants and needs without hesitation.

A small correction of passive behavior will allow you to act actively - to solve problems, rather than avoid them. Confidence will give you courage, and you will be able to express thoughts that you would never have dared to express before, and even get what you have always dreamed of.

Aggression turning into assertiveness

A person who is more aggressive than passive will have to soften his natural assertiveness. Correcting aggressive behavior will allow you to find that it makes it easier to achieve your goal, because your new behavior has become less annoying to others. At the same time, you should not completely give up active actions. Thus, assertive behavior will pacify your impetuosity without causing displeasure and anger in others.

The general criterion in both cases can be considered the requirements of others. Passive people should think less about the desires of others and pay more attention to their own desires. Those who are prone to aggressive behavior should think less about themselves and take into account the demands of others.

Benefits of Assertive Behavior

Strong self-confidence provides the key to the ability to improve in any area of ​​life and is especially pronounced in difficult situations, in communication with smart and knowledgeable people. Softening (if you are aggressive) or strengthening (if you are passive) behavior will help you without unnecessary problems:

v to motivate people to take action or change their behavior without causing rejection or hostility on their part;

v refuse something without offending others;

v expressing one's own (possibly unpopular) opinion in such a way that it is perceived favorably, even if others hold diametrically opposed views.

It can be added that confidence will help you develop and improve effective communication with other people. You will find that any situation works for you if:

v give compliments and receive them; they will give confidence to both you and those around you;

v encourage people to communicate, then your pleasure from this process will greatly increase;

v express approval of the ideas and actions of others, rather than keeping your feelings to yourself. Thanks to this you will be able to install feedback with an interlocutor;

v admit your shortcomings. This is common to all self-confident people.

Assertiveness creates equality in relationships between people, the necessary flexibility in behavior to overcome difficulties, and leads to success.

Drawing conclusions

To develop assertive behavior, it is necessary first of all to slightly change the natural reactions to certain circumstances. Regardless of whether you are passive or aggressive by nature, assertiveness will balance the extremes of character and help you find a middle ground between them. It will “pacify” aggression and “spur up” inertia.

Assertiveness is not a goal, but a means to achieving it. This is the most effective method declare your intentions and take communication to a whole new level.

Ask yourself

Analyze your usual behavior and answer the following questions.

If you are passive by nature:

^Are you trying to avoid a situation that threatens to become unpleasant?

^Would you like to express your opinion with more confidence?

If you are aggressive by nature:

^Do you tend to do everything your own way without taking into account the interests of others?

^ Do you want to learn how to influence people without hurting their feelings?

For both types of behavior:

^ Do you want to learn how to refuse people's requests without feeling the need to make excuses?

^ Do you strive to ensure that your relationships with people give greater returns?

If you answered yes to some questions, you need to deliberately work on your character.

Everything will work out if...

Understand that in order to become a confident person, you do not have to go against your nature;

Make a firm decision and adjust your natural behavior;

Realize that strong self-confidence (assertiveness) will help you find the right solution in a difficult situation;

Realize that as you become more confident, you will enjoy life more;

To wish to develop in yourself such skills and such an outlook on things that are necessary for a self-confident person.